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Lettre motivation/Lausanne
Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux, chansons || En basMessage de bafonie posté le 19-12-2012 à 20:15:34 (S | E | F)
Hello,
Could you help me and correct my mistakes ,if any.
Thank you for your answers.
Dear Madam, dear Sir,
Graduated from HEC (University of Lausanne) with a bachelor degree in Management specialized in Finance, I would like to apply for your trader junior programme.
I obtained the third place on 45 participants in the annual trading competition of HEC, the goal was to maximize the profit by tacking position in various financial instruments (Action, Bond, Futur, option ...) I am a serious and determined and ready to offer the best of my knowledge and skills to your company.
I already had an experience in Financial Markets through an internship of one year with the traders of********* in Lausanne, in 2007-2008 when the market collapsed. I was the support of the Equity
and Index Derivatives desk. It was a very dynamic time; I had to work very fast under severe pressure.
My work experience in Pharmatt as country manager during my university gave me the chance to put in practice all my knowledge and in the same developed new skills ; I know how to communicate with people from different culture, to be the voice of a team, to anticipate their problems and to find a way to resolve them.
I believe I have the combination of skills, experience and motivation to make a significant
contribution to your company.
I remain at your disposal for any future interview.
With the hope of a favourable response from you, please receive, Madame, Sir, my sincere regards.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 19-12-2012 21:17
Politesse
Réponse: Lettre motivation/Lausanne de bernard02, postée le 20-12-2012 à 02:50:18 (S | E)
Bonjour,
j'ai vérifié l'orthographe mais pas la grammaire ni les constructions des phrases. Je vous ai repéré en bleu les quelques points à revoir:
Dear Madam, dear Sir,
Graduated from HEC (University of Lausanne) with a bachelor degree in Management specialized (une lettre à changer si vous écrivez en anglais/britannique comme semble l'indiquer l'orthographe de votre mot "favourable" dans la dernière phrase) in Finance, I would like to apply for your trader junior programme.
I obtained the third place on 45 participants in the annual trading competition of HEC, the goal was to maximize (une lettre à changer si vous écrivez en anglais/britannique comme semble l'indiquer l'orthographe de votre mot "favourable" dans la dernière phrase) the profit by tacking position in various financial instruments (Action, Bond, Futur (manque une lettre), option ...) I am a serious and determined and ready to offer the best of my knowledge and skills to your company.
I already had an experience in Financial Markets through an internship of one year with the traders of********* in Lausanne, in 2007-2008 when the market collapsed. I was the support of the Equity
and Index Derivatives desk. It was a very dynamic time; I had to work very fast under severe pressure.
My work experience in Pharmatt (??) as country manager during my university gave me the chance to put in practice all my knowledge and in the same developed new skills ; I know how to communicate with people from different culture, to be the voice of a team, to anticipate their problems and to find a way to resolve them.
I believe I have the combination of skills, experience and motivation to make a significant
contribution to your company.
I remain at your disposal for any future interview.
With the hope of a favourable response from you, please receive, Madame, Sir, my sincere regards.
Bon courage.
Réponse: Lettre motivation/Lausanne de bluestar, postée le 20-12-2012 à 15:45:22 (S | E)
Bonjour...
Graduated from HEC (University of Lausanne) with a Bbachelor's degree in Management specialized (verbe -ing) in Finance, and I would like to apply for your trader junior(ordre des mots) programme.
I obtained the third place on (preposition incorrecte) 45 participants in the annual trading competition of HEC, the goal was to maximize the profit by tacking
position in various financial instruments (Action, Bond, Futur, option ...) I am a serious and determined (nom manquant) and ready to offer the best of my knowledge and skills to your company.I already had an experience in Financial Markets through an internship of one year with the traders of********* in Lausanne, in 2007-2008 when the market collapsed. I was the support of the Equity
and Index Derivatives desk. It was a very dynamic time; I had to work very fast under severe pressure.
My work experience in Pharmatt as country manager during my university gave me the chance to put in practice all my knowledge and in the same (recomposer)developed new skills ; I know how to communicate with people from different culture (il faut le pluriel), to be the voice of a team, to anticipate their problems and to find a way to resolve them.
I believe I have the combination of skills, experience and motivation to make a significant
contribution to your company.
I remain at your disposal for any future interview.
With the hope of a favourable response from you, please receive, Madame, Sir, my sincere regards. (La dernière phrase est trop formelle, presque victorienne. Il vaudrait mieux ecrire: Hoping for a favourable response, I am, Yours etc.)
Réponse: Lettre motivation/Lausanne de bafonie, postée le 24-12-2012 à 12:59:53 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup !!!!!!
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