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Correction/ lettre motivation
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Message de ranabouelle posté le 03-01-2014 à 09:25:40 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai besoin s'il vous plaît d'un avis et d'une correction concernant ma lettre de motivation pour partir aux États-Unis.
Merci d'avance.
Dear Sir or Madam,
Re: application for a international mobility
After having discussed with the person in charge of the International Relations of the university on the opportunities offered to the students, I decided to study one year abroad.
I am currently doing an economic and management degree (2nd year) and I would like to specialize myself in economics. I would like to integrate the University of Oklahoma thanks to the international exchange program.
This program represent a real tramplin for me because any good economist must master english and this stay would allow me to improve my english Moreover thanks to this opportunity and thanks to the courses proposed by the University of Oklahoma I will can deepen my knowledge and discover by the way another vision of economics studies. So I see this experience like an essential stage in my graduate studies and a major asset in building my career.
As curious as motivated I shall benefit personally but also professionally this program. Indeed I am a good basketball player and I really want to discover how the american university sport perform. I would like to enjoy the extraordinary facilities and tips offerd by the University of Oklahoma. Laslty this opportunity to live one year in United States will enable me to open my mind with the american culture, a year abroad would be a personal experiment without any doubt very enriching.
I thank you, in advance, for the interest and the time you have spent looking at my letter.
Yours faithfully
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Modifié par lucile83 le 03-01-2014 19:01
Message de ranabouelle posté le 03-01-2014 à 09:25:40 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai besoin s'il vous plaît d'un avis et d'une correction concernant ma lettre de motivation pour partir aux États-Unis.
Merci d'avance.
Dear Sir or Madam,
Re: application for a international mobility
After having discussed with the person in charge of the International Relations of the university on the opportunities offered to the students, I decided to study one year abroad.
I am currently doing an economic and management degree (2nd year) and I would like to specialize myself in economics. I would like to integrate the University of Oklahoma thanks to the international exchange program.
This program represent a real tramplin for me because any good economist must master english and this stay would allow me to improve my english Moreover thanks to this opportunity and thanks to the courses proposed by the University of Oklahoma I will can deepen my knowledge and discover by the way another vision of economics studies. So I see this experience like an essential stage in my graduate studies and a major asset in building my career.
As curious as motivated I shall benefit personally but also professionally this program. Indeed I am a good basketball player and I really want to discover how the american university sport perform. I would like to enjoy the extraordinary facilities and tips offerd by the University of Oklahoma. Laslty this opportunity to live one year in United States will enable me to open my mind with the american culture, a year abroad would be a personal experiment without any doubt very enriching.
I thank you, in advance, for the interest and the time you have spent looking at my letter.
Yours faithfully
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 03-01-2014 19:01
Réponse: Correction/ lettre motivation de carr30, postée le 03-01-2014 à 12:46:43 (S | E)
Hi
I've marked the problems. Remember adjectives from proper nouns need majuscule, e.g. English, French
Your letter was clear in meaning but some of the phrases I have changed sounded unnatural.
Good luck with the application.
Dear Sir or Madam,
Re: Application for an international mobility program
After having discussed with the person in charge of the International Relations of the university on the opportunities offered to the students, I have present perfect is better..this is a recent decision decided to study one year abroad.
I am currently doing an economic and management degree (2nd year) and I would like to specialize
This program represents a real tramplin..no such word, suggest 'springboard' for me because any good economist must master english and this stay would allow me to improve my english Moreover thanks to this opportunity and thanks to the courses proposed by the University of Oklahoma I will can ..choose just one! or..'plan to?'/'intend to'/'expect to'/'hope to' deepen my knowledge and discover
I thank you, in advance, for the interest and the time you have spent looking at my letter.
Yours faithfully
Réponse: Correction/ lettre motivation de ranabouelle, postée le 05-01-2014 à 09:16:04 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour cette correction!!
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