Correction/ lettre motivation

Correction/ lettre motivation
Message de annaelle1994 posté le 07-01-2015 à 16:35:05 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je postule pour une mobilité à l'international avec xxx et pour cela j'ai à réalisé une lettre de motivation, pouvez-vous m'indiquer s'il y à des fautes ?
Je vous remercie par avance :

I am writing to apply for an international Mobility, in xxx, advertised on your department. I will be graduated in June 2015 with a two years degree in sales and marketing, from xxx University. After a two-year post-A-level course in marketing, communication and business, I want to gain some valuable experience and I wish to discover a new customs this is why I send my CV for your consideration.

Thanks to the mobility, many students are leaving to study abroad for one year. Indeed the mobility, offer the opportunity to discover a new country but also a new style of working for several student. So I would like to apply for this experience in order to deepen my knowledge about the life and I want to prove to myself that I can adapt myself in an unknown country without my family.

I’m very interested in the mobility post and I believe that my well-established knowledge on Marketing and Management will make me a competitive candidate for this experience. The key strengths that I possess, which will guarantee my success in this experience, include:

Ability to read, speak and understand English
I’m willing to travel
Organisational competence
Ability to adjust myself
Interpersonal relation skills

With the mobility, I will discover a new lifestyle and a new vision of the world. Also, it’s a great challenge for me to meet student from several countries. And in the near future, I will be able to speak English because I would like work into the marketing department in a multinational company so i’m going to be bilingual. Finally I never had the opportunity to travel abroad during the past few years and this is why study in a foreign country will be for me, a way to discover a new country, a new area. On the other hand, it will permit me to study important topics for my studies in Marketing and my future career.

For me, all of the cities that you propose are interesting but xxx particularly. Indeed this city was the biggest cultural variety thanks to this population, this numerous museums, this cultural festivals and thanks to various pracisted religons.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon. I would be available for a personal interview at your convenience.
Yours faithfully,


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Modifié par lucile83 le 07-01-2015 18:49

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Réponse: Correction/ lettre motivation de here4u, postée le 08-01-2015 à 17:35:07 (S | E)
hello !

It's a very long letter ...(in spite of a part which isn't really written ...)

I am writing to apply for an international 'Mobility' (are you sure the concept is known wherever you apply ?), in xxx, advertised on your department. I will be graduated in June 2015 with a two years -degree in sales and marketing, from xxx University. After a two-year post-A-level course in marketing, communication and business, I want to gain some valuable experience and I wish to discover a new customs this is why I send my CV for your consideration.

Thanks to the 'mobility', many students are leaving to study abroad for one year. Indeed the 'mobility', offer the opportunity to discover a new country but also a new style of working for several(boff !) student. So I would like to apply for this experience in order to deepen my knowledge about the life and I want to prove to myself that I can adapt (myself) in an unknown country without my family.

I’m very interested in the mobility post and I believe that my well-established knowledge on Marketing and Management will make me a competitive candidate for this experience. The key strengths(assets) that I possess, which will guarantee my success in this experience, include:

XX Ability to read, speak and understand English
X I’m willing to travel
XX Organisational competence
XX Ability to adjust myself
Interpersonal relation skills

(first, I don't like this listing ...Then, if you choose to do it,do it well : give the same forms ... (list of nouns or another nature of words...)
With the mobility, I will discover a new lifestyle and a new vision of the world. Also, it’s a great challenge for me to meet student from several countries. And in the near future, I will be able to speak English because I would like work into the marketing department in a multinational company so i’m going to be bilingual . Finally I never had the opportunity to travel abroad during the past few years and this is why study in a foreign country will be for me, a way to discover a new country, a new area. On the other hand, it will permit me to study important topics for my studies in Marketing and my future career.

For me, all of the cities that you propose are interesting but xxx particularly XXX. Indeed this city was the biggest cultural variety thanks to this population, this numerous museums, this cultural festivals and thanks to various pracisted religons.

Thank you for your consideration, and. I look forward to hearing from you soon. I would be available for a personal interview at your convenience.
Yours faithfully,

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