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Correction / motivation
Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux || En basCorrection / motivation
Message de geopaf posté le 19-05-2015 à 16:14:38 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je postule actuellement pour un Master 2; serait-il possible de jeter un coup d’œil à ma lettre de motivation et me signaler les grosses coquilles!
Merci beaucoup d'avance!
Dear Sir or Madam, members of the admission committee,
Graduated of EAM and specialized in.... in xxx University, I’m applying in second year in the XWE mention of "Gestion des Ressources Naturelles" master.
During my training and though my internship, I had the opportunity to discover climate and land use problematics especially in developing countries. These experiences have allowed me to glimpse the current issues of management ecosystems services and environmental resources in changing global environment. In fact, it seems than there is a real issue in southern countries around adaptation to climate changes because of geographical, socio-economic and environmental context, but also because of state governance lack. In this perspective, I would like, in the future, work within international cooperative programs with international agencies or institutes, in forestry ,Land Use or Agriculture feild around concert management of natural resources. However, to complete my career, I miss advances knowledge in climate, land use and ecosystems management technologies and I think the master courses will allow me to approach these issues with adapted tools and methods.
Furthermore, the fact as courses will provide in English is really motivating because it will allow a better integration in international professional teams. Moreover the internship and the Master’s thesis are, in my experience, reals opportunities to get into the professional branch that I desire, that why I award a great importance in internship choice and realization. Finally, learn with international researchers and laboratories is a real chance and it keeps me going a lot.
I can assure you I will be involved and motivated in my studies, if you give me the opportunity to join this master.
I sincerely thank you for your time and kind consideration.
Yours faithfully,
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 19-05-2015 19:17
Message de geopaf posté le 19-05-2015 à 16:14:38 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je postule actuellement pour un Master 2; serait-il possible de jeter un coup d’œil à ma lettre de motivation et me signaler les grosses coquilles!
Merci beaucoup d'avance!
Dear Sir or Madam, members of the admission committee,
Graduated of EAM and specialized in.... in xxx University, I’m applying in second year in the XWE mention of "Gestion des Ressources Naturelles" master.
During my training and though my internship, I had the opportunity to discover climate and land use problematics especially in developing countries. These experiences have allowed me to glimpse the current issues of management ecosystems services and environmental resources in changing global environment. In fact, it seems than there is a real issue in southern countries around adaptation to climate changes because of geographical, socio-economic and environmental context, but also because of state governance lack. In this perspective, I would like, in the future, work within international cooperative programs with international agencies or institutes, in forestry ,Land Use or Agriculture feild around concert management of natural resources. However, to complete my career, I miss advances knowledge in climate, land use and ecosystems management technologies and I think the master courses will allow me to approach these issues with adapted tools and methods.
Furthermore, the fact as courses will provide in English is really motivating because it will allow a better integration in international professional teams. Moreover the internship and the Master’s thesis are, in my experience, reals opportunities to get into the professional branch that I desire, that why I award a great importance in internship choice and realization. Finally, learn with international researchers and laboratories is a real chance and it keeps me going a lot.
I can assure you I will be involved and motivated in my studies, if you give me the opportunity to join this master.
I sincerely thank you for your time and kind consideration.
Yours faithfully,
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 19-05-2015 19:17
Réponse: Correction / motivation de gerondif, postée le 19-05-2015 à 17:20:33 (S | E)
Hello,
beaucoup de noms composés longs qui donnent l'impression de s'étouffer quand on lit votre texte. Quelques bêtises de base en conjugaison.
erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert
dans les mots composés, le mot adjectival est invariable.(laces for your shoes are shoe-laces. a box for your letters is a letter-box)
Dear Sir or Madam, members of the admission committee,
Graduated of
after graduating from.... EAM and specialized in.... in Savoie University, I’m applying in (to apply for) a second year in the XWE mention of(je ne sais pas si c'est resté en français ou qoui?) "Gestion des Ressources Naturelles" master.
During my training and though my internship, I had the opportunity to discover the climate and land use problematics especially in developing countries. These experiences have allowed me to glimpse (si vous n'avez fait que les entrevoir, moi, je ne vous choisirais pas!) the current issues of management ecosystems services and environmental resources in changing global environment. In fact, it seems than there is a real issue in southern countries around adaptation to climate changes because of geographical, socio-economic and environmental context, but also because of a lack in state governance. In this perspective, I would like, in the future, to work within international cooperative programs with international agencies or institutes, in the forestry ,Land Use or Agriculture fields around concert management of natural resources. However, to complete my career, I miss advanced knowledge in climate, land use and ecosystems management technologies and I think the master courses will allow me to approach these issues with adapted tools and methods.
Furthermore, the fact as(mauvais choix de "que") courses will be provided in English is really motivating because it will allow a better integration in international professional teams. Moreover the internship and the Master’s thesis are, in my experience, reals(adjectif invariable) opportunities to get into the professional branch that I desire, that is why I award(mauvais choix de verbe ,attribuer? essayer attacher) a great importance to internship choice and realization. Finally, learning (gérondif)with international researchers and laboratories is a real chance(faux ami, I met him by chance = par hasard) and it keeps me going a lot.
I can assure you I will be involved and motivated in my studies, if you give me the opportunity to join this master.
I sincerely thank you for your time and kind consideration.
Réponse: Correction / motivation de lucile83, postée le 19-05-2015 à 19:20:51 (S | E)
Hello,
During my training and though my internship, .....though or through?
Réponse: Correction / motivation de geopaf, postée le 22-05-2015 à 14:58:09 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide, je vais tenter de corriger tout ça!Bonne journée
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