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Correction/Espaces et échanges
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Message de mikosh posté le 02-01-2018 à 16:17:00 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
le professeur d'anglais nous a demandé d’écrire un compte-rendus final afin de nous exercer pour l'examen de fin d'année. Le compte-rendu est basé sur la notion d’espaces et échanges, et plus précisément sur les ville-monde. Serait-il possible d'avoir une correction au niveau de la grammaire et du vocabulaire, de mon texte s'il vous plaît ?
Voici mon texte :
I studied this year the notion of spaces and exchanges, I’m going to treat the subject of the global cities. To start with, I’d like to give a definition of global cities: it is a very big city with ten millions inhabitants and they sprawl to form vast suburbs. In 1950 there was 83 cities over million people, and then in 2000 it increased to over 400 cities. Nowadays there are over 10 megacities. We can wonder if the global cities have huge impact on people’s daily lives ? To answer this question, I’m going to talk about two example of global cities that we have studied in class through different documents: London and Singapore.
In the beginning, London was a rich city, but there were millions of poor people living in overcrowded slums prone to diseases and epidemics because of the polluted drinking water from the Thames. Due to this a big fog appeared in London. Like the picture of Yoshio Markino, entitled “Vauxhall Bridge”, where we can see people walking to their home or work. Many people died due to this Great Smog in 1952. So we can say that the Global cities on the past was affected by the pollution due to the people who doesn’t care about the environment.
However, In order to resolve this problem, London take the initiative to implement a congestion charge in 2003 to limit the pollution. Then, London’s population have importantly increased: it grew from 1 million in 1800 to 6.7 million in 1900 due to a better living conditions and to job opportunities. Similarly for Singapore who had increased from 1 million in 1950 to over 5 million in 2010. Contrary to London, Singapore was a poor city in the past, but now he is a magnet for global labor. Since, they take the initiatives to build high-quality schools and put a laws who forbidden chewing gum, smoke, urinate in the street (etc…). Through a picture we saw in class, different signs in different language, which means that Singapore is a multicultural society: who had four official languages. There is also an ethnic diversity, because : there is in Singapore multiple origins, and the most Is Chinese. Singapore who means “lion-city”, is nowadays named the “fine” city for his cleanliness. Singapore’s weakness has become their strength.
To sum up, global cities are trying to have a clean city, since they are trying to solve the problem of pollution by different initiatives, for instance: in Paris they have a service of bicycle-for-all, which is a service who give a bicycle a few moment to limit the pollution. They also has brought a wealth of culture and ethnic diversity. So for me, global cities have impact on people’s daily live, but global cities are ideal spaces of economic and financial exchanges. Can their roles as dynamic hubs in a global network ensures their places as leaders in the world economy ?
Merci d'avance, Cordialement
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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-01-2018 16:19
Message de mikosh posté le 02-01-2018 à 16:17:00 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
le professeur d'anglais nous a demandé d’écrire un compte-rendus final afin de nous exercer pour l'examen de fin d'année. Le compte-rendu est basé sur la notion d’espaces et échanges, et plus précisément sur les ville-monde. Serait-il possible d'avoir une correction au niveau de la grammaire et du vocabulaire, de mon texte s'il vous plaît ?
Voici mon texte :
I studied this year the notion of spaces and exchanges, I’m going to treat the subject of the global cities. To start with, I’d like to give a definition of global cities: it is a very big city with ten millions inhabitants and they sprawl to form vast suburbs. In 1950 there was 83 cities over million people, and then in 2000 it increased to over 400 cities. Nowadays there are over 10 megacities. We can wonder if the global cities have huge impact on people’s daily lives ? To answer this question, I’m going to talk about two example of global cities that we have studied in class through different documents: London and Singapore.
In the beginning, London was a rich city, but there were millions of poor people living in overcrowded slums prone to diseases and epidemics because of the polluted drinking water from the Thames. Due to this a big fog appeared in London. Like the picture of Yoshio Markino, entitled “Vauxhall Bridge”, where we can see people walking to their home or work. Many people died due to this Great Smog in 1952. So we can say that the Global cities on the past was affected by the pollution due to the people who doesn’t care about the environment.
However, In order to resolve this problem, London take the initiative to implement a congestion charge in 2003 to limit the pollution. Then, London’s population have importantly increased: it grew from 1 million in 1800 to 6.7 million in 1900 due to a better living conditions and to job opportunities. Similarly for Singapore who had increased from 1 million in 1950 to over 5 million in 2010. Contrary to London, Singapore was a poor city in the past, but now he is a magnet for global labor. Since, they take the initiatives to build high-quality schools and put a laws who forbidden chewing gum, smoke, urinate in the street (etc…). Through a picture we saw in class, different signs in different language, which means that Singapore is a multicultural society: who had four official languages. There is also an ethnic diversity, because : there is in Singapore multiple origins, and the most Is Chinese. Singapore who means “lion-city”, is nowadays named the “fine” city for his cleanliness. Singapore’s weakness has become their strength.
To sum up, global cities are trying to have a clean city, since they are trying to solve the problem of pollution by different initiatives, for instance: in Paris they have a service of bicycle-for-all, which is a service who give a bicycle a few moment to limit the pollution. They also has brought a wealth of culture and ethnic diversity. So for me, global cities have impact on people’s daily live, but global cities are ideal spaces of economic and financial exchanges. Can their roles as dynamic hubs in a global network ensures their places as leaders in the world economy ?
Merci d'avance, Cordialement
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 02-01-2018 16:19
Réponse : Correction/Espaces et échanges de laure95, postée le 04-01-2018 à 11:14:42 (S | E)
Bonjour,
- I’m going to treat the subject of the (pas de the)global cities.
- a definition of global cities: it (remplacer "it" par " a global city") is a very big city with ("with": mal dit, construire avec le participe passé du verbe TO COMPOSE) ten millions inhabitants and they (remplacer they par global cities)sprawl to form vast suburbs.
- there was (there was + singulier)83 cities (mettre une virgule)over (pas le bon mot ici)million people,
- We can wonder if the (pas de the) global cities have (article) huge impact on people’s daily lives ? (enlever le point d'interrogation: question indirecte)
- two example: pluriel.
- In (pas la bonne préposition) the beginning,
- Due to this (this ne s'emploie pas au passé) a big fog appeared in London.
- Many people died due to this (même remarque) Great Smog in 1952.
- So we can say that the (pas de the)Global cities on (pas la bonne préposition)the past was (pluriel)affected by the pollution due to the people who doesn’t (faute de conjugaison, pas le bon temps)care about the environment.
- London take (passé) the initiative to implement a congestion charge in 2003
- Then, London’s population have (faute de conjugaison) importantly increased
- due to a (a + singulier) better living conditions and to job opportunities.
- Similarly for Singapore who had increased (preterit)from 1 million in 1950 to over 5 million in 2010.
- but now he (Singapour n'est pas un homme!)is a magnet for global labor.
- Since, they take the initiatives to build high-quality schools: since + present perfect.
- and put a ( a + singulier) laws who (pas le bon relatif) forbidden (temps ?)chewing gum, smoke, urinate (mettre ces 2 verbes au gérondif) in the street (etc…).
- in different language: pluriel.
- which means that Singapore is a multicultural society: who had (present)four official languages.
- there is (there is + singulier)in Singapore multiple origins, and the most (the mmost what?)Is Chinese.
- Singapore who (pas le bon relatif)means “lion-city”, is nowadays named the “fine” city for his (pas le bon possessif)cleanliness.
- Singapore’s weakness has become their (pas le bon relatif)strength.
- To sum up, global cities are trying to have a clean city (pluriel)
- a service who (pas le bon relatif) give (faute de conjugaison)a bicycle a few moment (pluriel) to limit the pollution.
- They also has (pluriel)brought a wealth of culture and ethnic diversity.
- So for me, global cities have (article)impact on people’s daily live (pluriel),
- Can their roles as dynamic hubs in a global network ensures (can + infinitif)their places as leaders in the world economy ?
Réponse : Correction/Espaces et échanges de mikosh, postée le 07-01-2018 à 18:02:55 (S | E)
Bonsoir, j'ai tout corrigé, et j'ai remarqué que je suis maladroit :? ! Merci infiniment, de votre aide !
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