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Essay/correction
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En basMessage de aymengu posté le 25-06-2019 à 00:29:03 (S | E | F)
Hello,
I am trying to improve my English through doing some essays. Here is my first one.
Can you tell me my different mistakes ?
Thank you very much for your help!
Subject:Two students are discussing the pros and cons of moving back to their parents’ home after they finish university. Write their conversation.
My essay:
Daniel just completed with success its master in economics at the university of Sorbonne. Facing a certain number of financial issues, he choose to live for the first months till he gets employed in the familial house’s. For him, this will permits to not pay any rent and to have some good time with his family. Nevertheless, despite this aspect, Daniels is disappointed and considers it as a important “personal failure”. He explains to Carole, an exchange student from an Canada, why this was decision so difficult to be taken.
Carole: “You tell me yesterday that you are going to move to your parent’s house’s the next month. I think it's not a bad idea. Why do you seems so disapointed”.
Daniel: “I agree with you it is not a bad decision. In fact, I don’t have really the choice. However, you can not easily return at 24 years old at your parent’s houses…. It was not really a easy decision... Of course, I am very happy that I will see months with parents. Nevertheless, but I consider it also an an “important personal failure”.
Carole: I understand your point. But don’t be so sad. This will take two or three months until you get a new job and solve your main financial issues. Plus, take it positively. These next months will permit you to have some good time with your family and friends. In addition, leaving is not a personal failure. You have a now graduated and the next month your situation will improve quickly.
Daniel: “I hope so Carole !”
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Modifié par lucile83 le 25-06-2019 08:11
Réponse : Essay/correction de here4u, postée le 25-06-2019 à 08:39:02 (S | E)
Hello!
Daniel XXX just completed with success its(+ word order!) master in economics at the university of Sorbonne. Facing a certain number of financial issues, he choose to live for the first months till he gets employed (construction + word order)in the familial house’s. For him, this will permits (will+ verb base!) to not pay any rent and to have some good time with his family. Nevertheless, despite this aspect, Daniels is disappointed and considers it as a important “personal failure”. He explains to Carole, an exchange student from
Carole: “You tell me yesterday(yesterday you + past simple) that you are going to move to your parent’s (house’s) the next month. I think it's not a bad idea. Why do you seems so disapointed”.
Daniel: “I agree with you it is not a bad decision. In fact, I don’t have really (word order!) the choice. However, you can not easily return at 24 years old at (word order)go back + TO = movement!)your parent’s houses(parents in the plural! I suppose they have ONE house... = to your parents'(home)…. It was not really a easy decision... Of course, I am very happy that I will see months(spend?) with XX parents. Nevertheless, but I consider it also an an “important personal failure”.
Carole: I understand your point. But don’t be so sad. This will take two or three months until you get a new job and solve your main financial issues. Plus, take it positively. These next coming?) months will permit you to have some good time with your family and friends. In addition, leaving is not a personal failure. You have a now graduated and the next month your situation will improve quickly.
Daniel: “I hope so Carole !”
Réponse : Essay/correction de aymengu, postée le 25-06-2019 à 17:21:57 (S | E)
Thank you for your help !!! 
I wrote my answers and question in orange Please do not hesitate to tell me any of my mistakes It will help me a lot!!
Daniel XXX have just completed his master in economics with sucess at the university of Sorbonne. Facing a certain number of financial issues, he choose for the first months till he gets employed to live in the familial house’s. For him, this will permit to don't pay any rent and to have some good time with his family. Nevertheless, despite this aspect, Daniel is disappointed and considers it as a important “personal failure”. He explains to Carole, an exchange student from Canada, why this decision was so difficult to be take.
Carole: “Yesterday you told me that you are going to move to your parent’s house the (Can I use here "the" after "next" ?)month. I think it's not a bad idea. Why do you seem so disappointed”.
Daniel: “I agree with you it is not a bad decision. In fact, I don’t really have the choice. However, you can not easily at 24 years old at go back to your parents’s house…. It was not really a easy decision... Of course, I am very happy that I will spend months(spend?) with my parents. Nevertheless, I consider it also an “important personal failure”.
Carole: I understand your point. But don’t be so sad. This will take two or three months until you get a new job and solve your main financial issues. Plus, take it positively. These next coming months will permit you to have some good time with your family and friends. In addition, leaving is not a personal failure. You have now graduated and the (Shall I use "the" or "this"?) next month your situation will improve quickly.
Daniel: “I hope so Carole !”
Thank your for your help!!!!!!!
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