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Translation/Nolan
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Message de vaiana posté le 07-07-2019 à 11:26:29 (S | E | F)
Hello.
Here is a new translation exercise.
would you mind helping me correct my mistakes please? 
If you haven't time to do all the sentences in a row, feel free to correct a sentence at once.
Many thanks!
"Nolan détourna le regard, leva les mains et regarda fixement ses paumes. Ses mains tremblaient et sa fine chemise de coton était trempée de sueur. Il ne pouvait supporter ce spectacle. Il quitta la véranda et gagna rapidement l’immense salon de sa maison. Il fit les cent pas pendant quelques instants, ses pieds bruissant sur le tapis. Puis il s’immobilisa au centre de la pièce, tout en essayant de réfléchir. Voilà deux semaines que ça durait. Au début, il pensa qu’il pourrait l’endurer. Maintenant, il savait que ce n’était même plus une question d’endurer ou pas. Il fallait qu’il agisse. Il traversa le salon à grandes enjambées et pénétra dans son bureau, ouvrit le tiroir supérieur de son secrétaire et regarda le pistolet automatique 45. Il referma violemment le tiroir, fit demi tour et retourna dans le salon. Mais pourquoi avait-il permis que cet homme vienne sur l’île ?"
Source: Lien internet
D'après Gil Brewer Page 71
Nolan looked away, put his hands up and stared at his palms. His hands shivered and his thin cotton shirt was wet with sweating. He couldn't stand that show. He left the conservatory and swiftly went into the grand living room of his house. He paced during a few moments, his feet rustling on the rug. Then he stand still in the center of the room, while trying to ponder. It had been going on for two weeks now. In the beginning, he thought he could endure it. Now, he knew it was not even a question about enduring or not. He had to act. He crossed the living room with big strides and penetrated his office, opened the upper drawer of his secretary and looked at the automatic gun 45. He violently slammed the drawer, turned around and went back into the living room. Why the hell had he allow this man to come onto the island?
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Modifié par lucile83 le 07-07-2019 14:06
Message de vaiana posté le 07-07-2019 à 11:26:29 (S | E | F)
Hello.
Here is a new translation exercise.
would you mind helping me correct my mistakes please? 
If you haven't time to do all the sentences in a row, feel free to correct a sentence at once.
Many thanks!
"Nolan détourna le regard, leva les mains et regarda fixement ses paumes. Ses mains tremblaient et sa fine chemise de coton était trempée de sueur. Il ne pouvait supporter ce spectacle. Il quitta la véranda et gagna rapidement l’immense salon de sa maison. Il fit les cent pas pendant quelques instants, ses pieds bruissant sur le tapis. Puis il s’immobilisa au centre de la pièce, tout en essayant de réfléchir. Voilà deux semaines que ça durait. Au début, il pensa qu’il pourrait l’endurer. Maintenant, il savait que ce n’était même plus une question d’endurer ou pas. Il fallait qu’il agisse. Il traversa le salon à grandes enjambées et pénétra dans son bureau, ouvrit le tiroir supérieur de son secrétaire et regarda le pistolet automatique 45. Il referma violemment le tiroir, fit demi tour et retourna dans le salon. Mais pourquoi avait-il permis que cet homme vienne sur l’île ?"
Source: Lien internet
D'après Gil Brewer Page 71
Nolan looked away, put his hands up and stared at his palms. His hands shivered and his thin cotton shirt was wet with sweating. He couldn't stand that show. He left the conservatory and swiftly went into the grand living room of his house. He paced during a few moments, his feet rustling on the rug. Then he stand still in the center of the room, while trying to ponder. It had been going on for two weeks now. In the beginning, he thought he could endure it. Now, he knew it was not even a question about enduring or not. He had to act. He crossed the living room with big strides and penetrated his office, opened the upper drawer of his secretary and looked at the automatic gun 45. He violently slammed the drawer, turned around and went back into the living room. Why the hell had he allow this man to come onto the island?
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Modifié par lucile83 le 07-07-2019 14:06
Réponse : Translation/Nolan de traviskidd, postée le 07-07-2019 à 17:54:14 (S | E)
Hello; mistakes in blue, suggestions in green.
Nolan looked away, put his hands up (implies in the air; just use "lift") and stared at his palms. His hands shivered (you shiver from cold, you tremble with fear; also wrong tense (or more precisely, wrong aspect)) and his thin cotton shirt was wet with sweating (reformulate). He couldn't stand that show. He left the conservatory (veranda?) and swiftly went into the grand (sense unclear, "immense" seems too grandiose, maybe "huge"?) living room of his house. He paced during a few moments, his feet rustling on the rug. Then he stand still in the center
of the room, while trying to ponder ("ponder" is transitive). It had been going on for two weeks now. In the beginning, he thought he could endure it. Now, he knew it was not even a question about ("of" is better) enduring or not. He had to act. He crossed the living room with big strides (seems too French; maybe try "he strode"+preposition) and penetrated (only if he went through the wall! 
) his office, opened the upper drawer of his secretary (people don't have drawers (at least, not in the sense you mean )) and looked at the automatic gun .45 (ill-placed). He violently slammed (slamming is always violent) the drawer shut, turned around and went back into the living room. Why the hell had he allow__ this man See you
Réponse : Translation/Nolan de vaiana, postée le 08-07-2019 à 19:51:59 (S | E)
Hello traviskidd and thanks for your help!
Nolan looked away, lifted his hands and stared at his palms. His hands were trembling and his thin cotton short was soaked with sweat (is there any difference between SWEAT and SWEATING?). He couldn't stand that show. He left the veranda and swiftly went into the giant living room of his house. He paced for a few moments, his feet rustling on the rug. Then he froze in the center (I prefer using AE) of the room, while trying to think about it. It had been going on for two weeks now. In the beginning, he thought he could endure it. Now, he knew it was not even a question of enduring or not anymore. He had to act. He strode the living room away and entered his office, opened his secretary's high drawer and looked at the .45 automatic gun. He slammed the drawer shut, turned around and went back into the living room. Why the hell had he allowed that man onto the island?
Réponse : Translation/Nolan de traviskidd, postée le 08-07-2019 à 22:32:25 (S | E)
Sweat is what is coming out of your skin when you are sweating.
- "while trying to think about it" (about what? The original has "de réfléchir", not "d'y réfléchir".)
- "He strode the living room away" (The particle "away" with a direct object means to make disappear or go away. "Dance your cares away" (Faire disparaître vos soucis en dansant.) You should use a preposition before "the living room".)
- "His secretary's high(/top) drawer" (A secretary is a person. Are you sure this is what you meam?)
See you.
Réponse : Translation/Nolan de vaiana, postée le 14-07-2019 à 10:52:19 (S | E)
Hello and thank you very much!
Nolan looked away, lifted his hands and stared at his palms. His hands were trembling and his thin cotton short was soaked with sweat. He couldn't stand that show. He left the veranda and swiftly went into the giant living room of his house. He paced for a few moments, his feet rustling on the rug. Then he froze in the center of the room, while trying to think. It had been going on for two weeks now. In the beginning, he thought he could endure it. Now, he knew it was not even a question of enduring or not anymore. He had to act. He strode along the living room and entered his office, opened the high drawer of his secretary and looked at the .45 automatic gun. He slammed the drawer shut, turned around and went back into the living room. Why the hell had he allowed that man onto the island?
Réponse : Translation/Nolan de traviskidd, postée le 14-07-2019 à 21:47:35 (S | E)
Hello
-"short" (don't you mean "shirt"?)
-"along" (wrong preposition; think about the verb you originally used)
-I still say secretaries are people, and therefore don't have drawers, but you still haven't changed it so I suppose it's really what you mean.
See you.
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