>
Synthèse/correction
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En basSynthèse/correction
Message de melina89 posté le 05-01-2020 à 12:55:22 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je suis en Terminale S, je viens de finir la synthèse « lieux et formes du pouvoir » en anglais, pouvez-vous me corrigez mes fautes s’il vous plaît?
Merci pour vos réponses.
I'm going to talk to you about the concept of places and forms of power. I would first like to give a definition of this notion. For me power is the ability to control others. It is at the same time the source of political, social and personal integration of tensions and conflicts within the group. To address this notion, I’m going to talk about India, which is the second most populous country in the world. This country has many inequalities, but it’s also a country in full progress, it is evolving very quickly.
Are all citizens on an equal footing in modern India? why would India be a country of contradiction?
to answer it we will first see inequalities between citizens, then inequalities between men and women, and finally the evolution of Indian society
first, I will talk to you about inequalities between citizens, we will see the caste system. This Indian system divides society into four hierarchical groups, it is very complex. The castes have their origins in Hinduism but have also been influenced by the development of society. they are based on social class or birth. you cannot marry a person belonging to another caste, nor can you change caste. Dalits are the lowest caste because they are only allowed in certain jobs such as shoemakers. In rural areas there is still discrimination against dalits, for example they are forced to use specific places like schools. today there are 170 million Dalits in India, and more than 40% survive on less than $ 2 a day
If there are inequalities between citizens, there are also inequalities between men and women as we can see from the oral comprehension “Indian girls are disappearing”, there are many inequalities between men and women. Indeed, in this document, a journalist explains that Indian families kill girls at birth because they are not welcome: they are a burden for parents who have to give a dowry to the family of the groom or the money, either cattle or jewelry, it's called dowry. If after the marriage, the girl's family has not paid the dowry, the woman is subjected to torture and sometimes even killed. Boys are sources of enrichment for the family, they perpetuate the family name and allow a better standard of living. The result is an insufficient representation of women in this country with one woman for two men. In addition, to combat abortion, the government has made the practice of ultrasound determining the sex of the child illegal. There is a demographic problem and these men find themselves without partners.
as we can see in the document “Another girl”, women have no say in different subjects. Indeed, this is the story of an Indian woman who has just given birth to a baby. Unfortunately, she is a little girl, which represents a burden for the family according to Indian tradition. She cannot afford to babysit and raise a daughter.
She is going to abandon her daughter because the husband does not want to keep her because it is a burden. He wants a boy to help him work in the fields and earn money. This story clearly shows that women have no say and it is men who decide everything.
Indeed, in rural India, many women are burned as a punishment because they cannot give an heir. Most of the time, husbands are not arrested for their crimes because there is not enough evidence.
Finally, for me, India is a developing country. In fact, we have seen that farms give way to factories, and women become breadwinners through microcredit and decentralized manufacturing. As we can see in the document "Changing India", the writer wanted to go to India where his stems were to see what the country looked like and see if his opinions differed from those of his parents, who were full of stereotypes. He tells us that women have good jobs and the mentality of the majority of Indians has changed because you rarely meet an Indian who is not affected by it. In addition, children of the lower caste can go to school and obtain a diploma more easily than before according to him, the Indians no longer lack self-confidence and optimism today but are proud of their country. in his view, this will change the country for the better, and therefore ignore the worst
To conclude, India is far from being a homogeneous country. Indeed, there are many problems to solve in this country such as infanticide, poverty and the many inequalities within its population, especially between men and women but also between all citizens. Every year there are many crimes against women. However the Prime Minister passed a law so that female tourists no longer show their legs or arms to "protect" them from possible aggressions, this "anti-women" mentality shows us the inequalities in this country by not wanting to punish possible crimes of men.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 05-01-2020 13:44
Message de melina89 posté le 05-01-2020 à 12:55:22 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je suis en Terminale S, je viens de finir la synthèse « lieux et formes du pouvoir » en anglais, pouvez-vous me corrigez mes fautes s’il vous plaît?
Merci pour vos réponses.
I'm going to talk to you about the concept of places and forms of power. I would first like to give a definition of this notion. For me power is the ability to control others. It is at the same time the source of political, social and personal integration of tensions and conflicts within the group. To address this notion, I’m going to talk about India, which is the second most populous country in the world. This country has many inequalities, but it’s also a country in full progress, it is evolving very quickly.
Are all citizens on an equal footing in modern India? why would India be a country of contradiction?
to answer it we will first see inequalities between citizens, then inequalities between men and women, and finally the evolution of Indian society
first, I will talk to you about inequalities between citizens, we will see the caste system. This Indian system divides society into four hierarchical groups, it is very complex. The castes have their origins in Hinduism but have also been influenced by the development of society. they are based on social class or birth. you cannot marry a person belonging to another caste, nor can you change caste. Dalits are the lowest caste because they are only allowed in certain jobs such as shoemakers. In rural areas there is still discrimination against dalits, for example they are forced to use specific places like schools. today there are 170 million Dalits in India, and more than 40% survive on less than $ 2 a day
If there are inequalities between citizens, there are also inequalities between men and women as we can see from the oral comprehension “Indian girls are disappearing”, there are many inequalities between men and women. Indeed, in this document, a journalist explains that Indian families kill girls at birth because they are not welcome: they are a burden for parents who have to give a dowry to the family of the groom or the money, either cattle or jewelry, it's called dowry. If after the marriage, the girl's family has not paid the dowry, the woman is subjected to torture and sometimes even killed. Boys are sources of enrichment for the family, they perpetuate the family name and allow a better standard of living. The result is an insufficient representation of women in this country with one woman for two men. In addition, to combat abortion, the government has made the practice of ultrasound determining the sex of the child illegal. There is a demographic problem and these men find themselves without partners.
as we can see in the document “Another girl”, women have no say in different subjects. Indeed, this is the story of an Indian woman who has just given birth to a baby. Unfortunately, she is a little girl, which represents a burden for the family according to Indian tradition. She cannot afford to babysit and raise a daughter.
She is going to abandon her daughter because the husband does not want to keep her because it is a burden. He wants a boy to help him work in the fields and earn money. This story clearly shows that women have no say and it is men who decide everything.
Indeed, in rural India, many women are burned as a punishment because they cannot give an heir. Most of the time, husbands are not arrested for their crimes because there is not enough evidence.
Finally, for me, India is a developing country. In fact, we have seen that farms give way to factories, and women become breadwinners through microcredit and decentralized manufacturing. As we can see in the document "Changing India", the writer wanted to go to India where his stems were to see what the country looked like and see if his opinions differed from those of his parents, who were full of stereotypes. He tells us that women have good jobs and the mentality of the majority of Indians has changed because you rarely meet an Indian who is not affected by it. In addition, children of the lower caste can go to school and obtain a diploma more easily than before according to him, the Indians no longer lack self-confidence and optimism today but are proud of their country. in his view, this will change the country for the better, and therefore ignore the worst
To conclude, India is far from being a homogeneous country. Indeed, there are many problems to solve in this country such as infanticide, poverty and the many inequalities within its population, especially between men and women but also between all citizens. Every year there are many crimes against women. However the Prime Minister passed a law so that female tourists no longer show their legs or arms to "protect" them from possible aggressions, this "anti-women" mentality shows us the inequalities in this country by not wanting to punish possible crimes of men.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 05-01-2020 13:44
Réponse : Synthèse/correction de gerondif, postée le 06-01-2020 à 14:35:37 (S | E)
Bonjour
Je ne vois pas beaucoup d’erreurs grammaticales. Mais pourquoi dire qu'il y a 4 castes et n'en décrire qu'une ? On reste sur sa faim.
erreurs en bleu
I'm going to talk to you about the concept of places and forms of power. I would first like to give a definition of this notion. For me power is the ability to control others. It is at the same time the source of political, social and personal integration of tensions and conflicts within the group. To address this notion, I’m going to talk about India, which is the second most populous country in the world. This country has many inequalities, but it’s also a country in full progress, it is evolving very quickly.
Are all citizens on an equal footing in modern India? why would India be a country of contradiction?
to answer it (to answer that) we will first see inequalities between citizens, then inequalities between men and women, and finally the evolution of Indian society
first, I will talk to you about inequalities between citizens, we will see (je ne sais pas pourquoi vous sur-utilisez le futur) the caste system. This Indian system divides society into four hierarchical groups, it is very complex. The castes have their origins in Hinduism but have also been influenced by the development of society. they are based on social class or birth. you cannot marry a person belonging to another caste, nor can you change caste. Dalits are the lowest caste because they are only allowed in certain jobs such as shoemakers. In rural areas there is still discrimination against dalits, for example they are forced to use specific places like schools (maladroit they are only allowed in certain schools). today there are 170 million Dalits in India, and more than 40% survive on less than $ 2 a day
If there are inequalities between citizens, there are also inequalities between men and women as we can see from the oral comprehension “Indian girls are disappearing”, there are many inequalities between men and women. Indeed, in this document, a journalist explains that Indian families kill girls at birth because they are not welcome: they are a burden for parents who have to give a dowry to the family of the groom or the(à ôter) money, either cattle or jewelry, it's called dowry. If after the marriage, the girl's family has not paid the dowry, the woman is subjected to torture and sometimes even killed. Boys are sources of enrichment for the family, they perpetuate the family name and allow a better standard of living. The result is an insufficient representation of women in this country with one woman for two men. In addition, to combat abortion, the government has made the practice of ultrasound (plutot un infinitif de but)determining the sex of the child illegal. There is a demographic problem and these men find themselves without partners.
as we can see in the document “Another girl”, women have no say in different (plutôt many) subjects. Indeed, this is the story of an Indian woman who has just given birth to a baby. Unfortunately, she is a little girl, which represents a burden for the family according to Indian tradition. She cannot afford to babysit and raise a daughter.
She is going to abandon her daughter because the husband does not want to keep her because it is a burden. He wants a boy to help him work in the fields and earn money. This story clearly shows that women have no say and it is men who(maladroit) decide (for)everything.
Indeed, in rural India, many women are burned(burnt) as a punishment because they cannot give an heir. Most of the time, husbands are not arrested for their crimes because there is not enough evidence.
(bizarre, ce finally, comme toutes ces horreurs vous menaient à cette conclusion. J'aurais mis however, pourtant, cependant)
Finally, for me, India is a developing country. In fact, we have seen that farms give way to factories, and women become breadwinners through microcredit and decentralized manufacturing. As we can see in the document "Changing India", the writer wanted to go to India where his stems (j(aurais mis roots) were to see what the country looked like and see if his opinions differed from those of his parents, who were full of stereotypes. He tells us that women have good jobs and the mentality of the majority of Indians has changed because you rarely meet an Indian who is not affected by it (affecté par quoi ??). In addition, children of the lower caste can go to school and obtain a diploma more easily than before according to him, the Indians no longer lack self-confidence and optimism today but are proud of their country. in his view, this will change the country for the better, and therefore ignore the worst(sens ?)
To conclude, India is far from being a homogeneous country. Indeed, there are many problems to solve in this country such as infanticide, poverty and the many inequalities within its population, especially between men and women but also between all citizens. Every year there are many crimes against women. (pourquoi ce "pourtant"?)However the Prime Minister passed a law so that female tourists no longer show their legs or arms to "protect" them from possible aggressions, this "anti-women" mentality shows us the inequalities in this country by not wanting to punish the possible crimes of men.
Réponse : Synthèse/correction de gerold, postée le 06-01-2020 à 16:36:49 (S | E)
Bonjour melina89
... It is at the same time the source of political, social and personal integration and (the source) of tensions and conflicts within the group.
... they are a burden for parents who have to give a dowry to the family of the groom or money, either cattle or jewelry, it's called dowry. Ce "or" n'a pas de sens, à mon avis. La dot (dowry) consiste en argent, bétail etc. Ce n'est pas autre chose.
Réponse : Synthèse/correction de melina89, postée le 06-01-2020 à 17:00:47 (S | E)
Bonjour,
J’ai changé ma phrase j’ai mis à la place car il était mal dit « This story clearly shows that women have no say, it is their husbands who decide on the important things. »
Je ne détaille pas assez les castes car nous ne l’avons pas vu dans le Cours mais ma professeur voudrait qu’on en parle, c’est vrai que si je ne parle pas d’autres classe cela n’est pas logique, j’ai donc mis :
first, I will talk to you about the inequalities between citizens, we will see the caste system. This Indian system divides society into four hierarchical groups, it is very complex. The castes have their origins in Hinduism, but have also been influenced by the development of society.
The word caste comes from the Portuguese casta which means pure, unmixed. It was therefore introduced by the colonizers. The caste principle actually brings together two concepts: varna ("color", "nature" or "rank" ) and jati ("birth").you cannot marry a person belonging to another caste, nor can you change caste.
The society is divided into Brahmans who provide religious services, below them the Kshatriyas or warriors, then the Vaishyas, who are at the origin of the cultivating owners, finally the Shudras, small farmers and breeders.
Dalits are excluded from this system because they are in charge of the “dirtiest” reported tasks, which includes manual cleaning of toilets in rural areas (prohibited since 2013), washing clothes or sweeping the streets.
In rural areas there is still discrimination against dalits, for example they are only allowed in certain schools. today there are 170 million Dalits in India, and more than 40% survive on less than $ 2 a day
Réponse : Synthèse/correction de gerold, postée le 10-01-2020 à 08:14:13 (S | E)
Bonjour
...The word caste comes from the Portuguese casta which means pure, unmixed. It was therefore introduced by the colonizers.... Cette phrase me semble un peu équivoque, je suppose que vous voulez dire que c'est le mot "caste" qui a été introduit, ou plutôt créé, par les colonisateurs, et non le système des castes lui-même, qui existait bien avant.
Réponse : Synthèse/correction de gerondif, postée le 10-01-2020 à 12:11:41 (S | E)
Bonjour
concernant le problème soulevé par gerold
they are a burden for parents who have to give a dowry to the family of the groom or money, either cattle or jewelry, it's called dowry. Ce "or" n'a pas de sens, à mon avis. La dot (dowry) consiste en argent, bétail etc. Ce n'est pas autre chose.
Peut-être déplacer le ou...ou
they are a burden for parents who have to give a dowry to the family of the groom, either money, or cattle, jewelry, it's called a dowry.
J'ai cherche si la dot ne consistait qu'en argent, voila ce que dit wikipedia
The dowry system in India[1] refers to the durable goods, cash, and real or movable property that the bride's family gives to the bridegroom, his parents, or his relatives as a condition of the marriage.[2] Dowry stemmed from India's skewed inheritance laws, and the Hindu Succession Act needed to be amended to stop the routine disinheritance of daughters.[3] Dowry is essentially in the nature of a payment in cash or some kind of gifts given to the bridegroom's family along with the bride and includes cash, jewellery, electrical appliances, furniture, bedding, crockery, utensils and other household items that help the newlyweds set up their home.[4] Dowry is referred to as Dahez in Arabic.[5] In far eastern parts of India, dowry is called Aaunnpot.[citation needed] Bon, ils ne parlent pas de bétail...
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
