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Thèmes généraux, jeux, chansons, traductions...
Tout ce qui n'a pas un rapport direct avec les difficultés liées à la langue anglaise: par exemple, les thèmes généraux sur l'apprentissage de la langue, les jeux, les demandes de traductions de chansons etc.
correction d'une lettre
Message de sonia88 posté le 25-04-2007 à 21:32:23 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour à tous,
Voilà, j'ai écrit une lettre, juste pour voir si elle est convaincante ou pas.
Dear XXX,
My name is XXX and I'm XXX years old. I'm writing to you not as a fan but like a normal person who just wants to tell you lots of things.
I would like to know if you agree if I draw you clothes just for you because I love share my creation with people. Unfortunately, I've ever sent to many companies like ....., .....my drawings, then they answered me that they were awsome but they didn't need a designer. So if you're interesting or someone you know please contact me.
About me, I live and study in XXX in a high school and I'm going to take an exam on JUne. I can speak French, english, arabic and a little bit spanish. Concerning my family, I have a brother and my parents encourage me to realise my dreams it means a stylist and also actress. By the way, I discovered you in the movie XXX but more in Pride and Prejudice. I appreciate your style . To conclude, if you agree to accept my proposition contact me but if you don't desire I respect your choice.
That's all for now and keep in touch.
XXXX
XXXX
Voilà et merci à ceux qui prendront la peine de corriger ma lettre.
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Modifié par bridg le 25-04-2007 22:23
divers
Message de sonia88 posté le 25-04-2007 à 21:32:23 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour à tous,
Voilà, j'ai écrit une lettre, juste pour voir si elle est convaincante ou pas.
Dear XXX,
My name is XXX and I'm XXX years old. I'm writing to you not as a fan but like a normal person who just wants to tell you lots of things.
I would like to know if you agree if I draw you clothes just for you because I love share my creation with people. Unfortunately, I've ever sent to many companies like ....., .....my drawings, then they answered me that they were awsome but they didn't need a designer. So if you're interesting or someone you know please contact me.
About me, I live and study in XXX in a high school and I'm going to take an exam on JUne. I can speak French, english, arabic and a little bit spanish. Concerning my family, I have a brother and my parents encourage me to realise my dreams it means a stylist and also actress. By the way, I discovered you in the movie XXX but more in Pride and Prejudice. I appreciate your style . To conclude, if you agree to accept my proposition contact me but if you don't desire I respect your choice.
That's all for now and keep in touch.
XXXX
XXXX
Voilà et merci à ceux qui prendront la peine de corriger ma lettre.
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 25-04-2007 22:23
divers
Réponse: correction d'une lettre de sonia88, postée le 26-04-2007 à 16:19:42 (S | E)
bonjour à tous est-ce que quelqu'un pourrait regarder cette lettre et me la corriger c'est très important.
Merci
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Modifié par vero7000 le 29-04-2007 11:06
Réponse: correction d'une lettre de ylan, postée le 26-04-2007 à 17:07:41 (S | E)
Sonia,
A ce que je comprends, tu es styliste
.Tu commences à dire que tu as dessiné un vêtement pour ton correspondant, c'est super! Il faut continuer ainsi et éviter de dire que d'autres n'en n'ont pas voulu. Je ne sais qui est cette personne, mais elle compte beaucoup pour toi. Qu'attends-tu de cette personne ? Ce n'est pas clair, dis-lui ce que tu souhaites.
Au 1er paragraphe, dis-lui ce qui te plaît chez cette personne.... au point qu'elle t'a inspiré un vêtement qui irait tellement bien sur elle etc...tu lui dédies ce dessin (peut-être veux-tu lui envoyer ?)
Au 2ème paragraphe, dis-lui qui tu es. Styliste etc...
et que tu as un rêve, de percer dans le monde de la mode etc;... peut-être ton correspondant a des pistes, des contacts utiles. Si le dessin lui a plu, demande-lui de te lancer.
Termine par : ...que le monde du show bizz t'attire, ce monde auquel appartient ton correspondant. Si merveilleux pour toi, que ta famille te soutient, c'est vrai c'est important !
Donne-lui la possibilité de te répondre et préviens que tu pourras renouveler ta correspondance pour avoir des nouvelles.
Bonne chance. A +
Réponse: correction d'une lettre de sonia88, postée le 29-04-2007 à 10:54:12 (S | E)
bonjour,
voilà j'ai suivi vos conseils et voilà le résultat
Dear XXX,
My name is XXXXXX and I'm XXXX.
I'm writing to you not as a fan but as a normal person.
First, I've ever drawn for different companies like Chanel, Narciso Rodriguez and Im' waiting for their answers.
Then, I've chosen to write you because I appreciate so much your style and I've decided to draw you a dress just for that I've enclosed in this letter. As far as I'm concerned it will fit on you.
I think your style is well-fashioned every moment.
Concerning to me, I live in France in XXXX since XXXX and I was also born at XXX not far to England. I hve one brother who's XXX. I study in a High School in France.
When I discovered the stylism I wanted absolutely to penetrate in the fashion World, that's why I'm studying in marketing to create in the future my own brandname "XXXXX".
By the way, if you have just tracks or useful contacts please send me a letter or an emai, it's very important to me, it's my only hope to begin what I want to do.
Moreover, I told you that's I've enclosed a drawing in order to see my creation. I can also send you others. I love sharing my creation with people.
Thus, if you are interesting by my fashion could you please launch me in the showbizz world. That's world attracts me and I'm a motivated to access there. My parents encourage me during all my life and tey're ready to help meat anytime. But I prefer managing alone like an adult.
To conclude, I hope that what I told you in this letter I hope that's interesting you. So if youagree to accept my proposition contact me. Otherwise if you don't desire I respect your choice.
Your faithfully.
Sonia XXX
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Modifié par bridg le 29-04-2007 10:57
Réponse: correction d'une lettre de sonia88, postée le 30-04-2007 à 19:35:14 (S | E)
bonsoir, est ce quelqu'un peut juste vérifier ma lettre c'est super urgent merci
Réponse: correction d'une lettre de inga, postée le 03-05-2007 à 15:33:35 (S | E)
Hi Sonia,
just a few comments here
I've ever drawn - just say 'I've drawn' - ever is out of place
I've chosen to write TO you
to draw a dress FOR you
it will suit you (not it will fit on you)
I'm studying marketing (no IN)
in order FOR YOU to see my creation
if you are interestED IN
