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Correction de courrier
Message de kid-color posté le 28-03-2008 à 13:47:13 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, pouvez-vous me dire si ces traductions et courriers sont corrects ? MERCI
Applying a project approach on a specific commercial subject. Thinking of and realising a project about the offer promotion, the customer portfolio development, and the staff improvement performances.
(Mettre en œuvre une démarche de projet sur un sujet commercial spécifique : Concevoir et réaliser un projet lié à la promotion de l’offre, au développement de la clientèle, à l’amélioration des performances de l’unité commerciale ou de son équipe.)
Le courrier ;
Dear Sir,
Thank you very much for your welcome and for this opportunity to gain experience of a British firm.
Before my departure, the school needs you to fill in the enclosed agreements.
Please can you send them back in triplicate to my postal address, (then informing me when it is sent)? Thank you
I will bring you a signed copy.
Should you need any information don’t hesitate to ask me.
As for me, I contact you as soon as I have news.
I thank you and I look forward to working with you!
Best Regards.
(Signature)
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Modifié par bridg le 28-03-2008 14:13
Courrier / divers
Message de kid-color posté le 28-03-2008 à 13:47:13 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, pouvez-vous me dire si ces traductions et courriers sont corrects ? MERCI
Applying a project approach on a specific commercial subject. Thinking of and realising a project about the offer promotion, the customer portfolio development, and the staff improvement performances.
(Mettre en œuvre une démarche de projet sur un sujet commercial spécifique : Concevoir et réaliser un projet lié à la promotion de l’offre, au développement de la clientèle, à l’amélioration des performances de l’unité commerciale ou de son équipe.)
Le courrier ;
Dear Sir,
Thank you very much for your welcome and for this opportunity to gain experience of a British firm.
Before my departure, the school needs you to fill in the enclosed agreements.
Please can you send them back in triplicate to my postal address, (then informing me when it is sent)? Thank you
I will bring you a signed copy.
Should you need any information don’t hesitate to ask me.
As for me, I contact you as soon as I have news.
I thank you and I look forward to working with you!
Best Regards.
(Signature)
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 28-03-2008 14:13
Courrier / divers
Réponse: Correction de courrier de chrislondon, postée le 29-03-2008 à 23:18:21 (S | E)
Hi. Your mail is very good and there are just a few points to improve on.
(then informing me) Use the infinitive not the gerund.
..(when it is sent) Use the present perfect passive here, not the present.
(Don't hesitate to ask me) Do not use contractions in formal English.
I would eliminate 'As for me' and 'I' in (I thank you). Also remove the exclamation mark.
The ending of the letter is too informal. If you start with 'Dear Sir' you need something else.
I hope this has helped you. I'm sorry that it's not in French. I'm not that good!
