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esturgeon /Lettre de motivation
Message de esturgeon posté le 09-03-2009 à 17:03:06 (S | E | F)
Dear Sir,
Being mad about travels, cultural and linguistic discovers, all the time pushed by the desire to discover more, learn more ; to me it was unthinkable to miss out on an opportunity such as the one proposed by the IUT of Aix-en-Provence, that is to go abroad one year.
My choice to study abroad is a reflected decision which comes within a precise choice of professional career. Indeed, after have obtained my third year in a foreign country I wish integrate a business school (IAE, Aix en Provence). I had a meeting with some responsible of the school who advice me to have a linguistic experience and a good level in English before my entrance. In addition, to be accepted in this school you have to pass the TOEFEL or TOIC, and I would like to take advantages of this year abroad to obtain the TOEFEL. That’s why in order to leave nothing to chance, I apply for a third year abroad.
Furthermore, I think it’s important to take the opportunity to discover new cultures, a new country and a new way to study.
This opportunity to go abroad is to me a wish of personal development but above all the better way to integrate a master in the IAE of Aix en Provence.
I think I am a self-sufficient and mature person, who is conscious of the difficulties to go abroad for one year, but it’s a reflected choice, and I am sure that I want to go study abroad. I am a serious and constant student in my results as you can see on my examination results. In addition, I have the temperament and the motivation necessary to do my third year abroad.
Sincerely yours
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Modifié par bridg le 09-03-2009 17:08
Divers
Message de esturgeon posté le 09-03-2009 à 17:03:06 (S | E | F)
Dear Sir,
Being mad about travels, cultural and linguistic discovers, all the time pushed by the desire to discover more, learn more ; to me it was unthinkable to miss out on an opportunity such as the one proposed by the IUT of Aix-en-Provence, that is to go abroad one year.
My choice to study abroad is a reflected decision which comes within a precise choice of professional career. Indeed, after have obtained my third year in a foreign country I wish integrate a business school (IAE, Aix en Provence). I had a meeting with some responsible of the school who advice me to have a linguistic experience and a good level in English before my entrance. In addition, to be accepted in this school you have to pass the TOEFEL or TOIC, and I would like to take advantages of this year abroad to obtain the TOEFEL. That’s why in order to leave nothing to chance, I apply for a third year abroad.
Furthermore, I think it’s important to take the opportunity to discover new cultures, a new country and a new way to study.
This opportunity to go abroad is to me a wish of personal development but above all the better way to integrate a master in the IAE of Aix en Provence.
I think I am a self-sufficient and mature person, who is conscious of the difficulties to go abroad for one year, but it’s a reflected choice, and I am sure that I want to go study abroad. I am a serious and constant student in my results as you can see on my examination results. In addition, I have the temperament and the motivation necessary to do my third year abroad.
Sincerely yours
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Modifié par bridg le 09-03-2009 17:08
Divers
Réponse: esturgeon /Lettre de motivation de brettdallen, postée le 09-03-2009 à 21:32:26 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Je ne corrigerai pas tout, mais j'apporterai néanmoins quelques commentaires. Il me semble qu'au delà des quelques fautes liées à la langue, vous vous répétez un peu lourdement dans vos idées et, par conséquent, dans les termes que vous choisissez(voyez "go abroad", par exemple..).
Dear Sir,
Being mad(non! quand même!) about travels, cultural and linguistic discovers, all the time pushed by the desire to discover more, learn more ; to me it was unthinkable to miss out on an opportunity such as the one proposed by the IUT of Aix-en-Provence, that is to go abroad one("for one/a") year.(ce paragraphe pourrait être raccourci, il y a redondance..).
My choice to study abroad is a reflected decision which comes within a precise choice of professional career. Indeed, after have(après une préposition verbe en ?)(but here "once I have" is better) obtained my third year in a foreign country I wish (to)(or "I would like to") integrate("join"/"get into"/"enrol") a business school (IAE, Aix en Provence). I had a meeting with some responsible("someone in charge") of the school who advice("advised") me to have a linguistic experience and a good level in English before my entrance. In addition, to be accepted in this school you have to pass the TOEFEL or TOIC, and I would like to take advantages(no plural) of this year abroad to obtain the TOEFEL. That’s ("is")("the reason")why, in order to leave nothing to chance, I apply("am applying") for a third year abroad.
Furthermore, I think it("is") important to take the opportunity to discover new cultures, a new country and a new way to study.
This opportunity(repeated) to go abroad(again and again) is to me a wish of personal development but above all the better(use the superlative, here) way to integrate a master in the IAE of Aix en Provence.
I think I am a self-sufficient(sure?) and mature person, who is conscious of the difficulties to go abroad
for one year, but it’s("is") a reflected(twice! "well thought out") choice, and I am sure that I want to go(and) study abroad. I am a serious and constant student in my results as you can see on my examination results(repeated! "reports"). In addition, I have the temperament and the motivation necessary(adjectif épithète avant le nom!) to do(d'accord, ou "spend") my third year abroad(comptez les!).Sincerely yours
je pense que vous devriez être plus concise! pour cela relisez-vous et faites ressortir les idées principales(vous verrez qu'elles ne sont pas nombreuses), organisez les en paragraphes distincts et n'essayez pas de vouloir tout dire!(sincèrement, le dernier paragraphe est presque inutile pour la personne qui vous a lue jusque là! piochez dedans pour un ou deux mots et redistribuez les ailleurs..)
Soyons juste, cependant: vous avez fait un bon travail et vous avez tenté des structures intéressantes!
Cordialement.
Réponse: esturgeon /Lettre de motivation de brettdallen, postée le 09-03-2009 à 21:40:38 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Je ne pouvais quand même vous laisser avec ce "discovers"! vérifiez le terme, s'il-vous-plaît!
Cordialement.
