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Correction /simple past tense
Message from zgqcn posted on 27-10-2011 at 02:58:48 (D | E | F)
Hello, everyone~~
Original Sentence:
After surveying 17,000 working adults in 17 places, HSBC found that 75% of Chinese believe they will be better off than their parents when it comes to retirement. The level of hopeness puts China second only to India (78%) in the survey, and well ahead of most developed countries.
Re-write Sentence:
After investegated 17,000 working adults in 17 places, HSBC found that 75% of Chinese believe that they will be better off than their parents when they retired. The level of hopefulness sets China second, behind only India (78%) in the study, and far ahead of most developed countries.
Questions：
1. I know the sentence is the simple past tense. May I replace "surveying" with "investegated", and replace "it comes to retirement" with "they retired"? I want to keep temporal consistency in it.
2. May I replace "puts" with "sets", and replace "well" with "far"?
3. In addition to the questions above, is there yet another problem with the grammar in the Re-write Sentence.
4. "behind only": I want to say China is the second, India is the first, so is "China behind only India" right?
Thanks in advance for your help.
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Edited by lucile83 on 27-10-2011 07:40
Message from zgqcn posted on 27-10-2011 at 02:58:48 (D | E | F)
Hello, everyone~~
Original Sentence:
After surveying 17,000 working adults in 17 places, HSBC found that 75% of Chinese believe they will be better off than their parents when it comes to retirement. The level of hopeness puts China second only to India (78%) in the survey, and well ahead of most developed countries.
Re-write Sentence:
After investegated 17,000 working adults in 17 places, HSBC found that 75% of Chinese believe that they will be better off than their parents when they retired. The level of hopefulness sets China second, behind only India (78%) in the study, and far ahead of most developed countries.
Questions：
1. I know the sentence is the simple past tense. May I replace "surveying" with "investegated", and replace "it comes to retirement" with "they retired"? I want to keep temporal consistency in it.
2. May I replace "puts" with "sets", and replace "well" with "far"?
3. In addition to the questions above, is there yet another problem with the grammar in the Re-write Sentence.
4. "behind only": I want to say China is the second, India is the first, so is "China behind only India" right?
Thanks in advance for your help.
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 27-10-2011 07:40
Re: Correction /simple past tense from notrepere, posted on 28-10-2011 at 01:27:25 (D | E)
HelloYou haven't picked the easiest words for your re-write. You can also change the word order.
After surveying 17,000 working adults in 17 places, HSBC found that 75% of Chinese believe they will be better off than their parents when it comes to retirement. The level of hopefulness puts China second only to India (78%) in the survey, and well ahead of most developed countries.
Consider changing the words in blue...they are easier.
Consider changing the order of words. Perhaps you could start the first sentence with "HSBC..."
Consider starting the second sentence with "Most developed countries..."
For example:
After reading the book, he discovered that he really liked that particular author.
He found out that he really liked that specific author after reading the book.
Re: Correction /simple past tense from zgqcn, posted on 28-10-2011 at 02:44:20 (D | E)
Thanks a lot.
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Edited by lucile83 on 28-10-2011 07:31
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