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Message de pika posté le 11-04-2012 à 16:52:16 (S | E | F)
Je suis nouvelle sur le site, et j'avoue qu'il m'aide beaucoup
Je me permets de poster ce sujet car j'ai vu que d'autres l'avaient fait avant moi : il s'agirait de m'aider à corriger ma lettre de présentation de jeune fille au pair pour cet été !
Comme je ne savais pas où poster ce sujet, j'ai choisi ce forum. Si vous estimez qu'il n'a pas sa place ici, merci de me rediriger vers le bon topic ^^
Dear family,
My name is Priscilla. I almost 23 years old. I was born in the south of France, the Twenty-sixth of July 1989, just next to the Mediterranean Sea.
My father’s name is Jxxx, he is mason. My mother’s name is Mxxx, she is town clerk. I’m an only child.
In June 2007, I passed my “Baccalauréat Littéraire” (Equivalent British A-levels, with literary specialty), and I was also in the Art section. Then, I went to Mxxx for my studies. After 3 years over there, I obtained my School Diploma of Product Designer: I create some new objects of daily life (furniture, glasses, decorative objects, etc.). Now, I live in Nxxx, and I come back/return to school in September 2012 in an International class of Product Design. So, I have to improve my English and I chose to do this “au pair” program for several reasons.
Indeed, ever since I was teenager, I decided one day I would go in other countries for know other things and other cultures. I love travelling and meeting people from different cultures. Being a curious person, I developed a passion for new experiences. I visit my friends or I travel with them: Montpellier, Strasbourg, Lyon, Paris, Nice, Bordeaux, Brittany, Barcelona. Now it’s time to go to England! I love the United Kingdom and this language. I want to discover your culture and your landscapes, your double-deckers and your sights, your cooking and more other things!
On the other hand, I love children. Being an only child, I always wanted have any brothers or sisters.
Last year, I have passed 4 month with the family of my boyfriend. It’s a great family with 6 children. I took care of her two youngest children: Lxxx, 4 years old and Mxxx, 10 years old. We did many funny activities all three: when the weather was beautiful we played ball, hide-and-seek, games in our swimming pool or went for a walk. On the contrary, when it was cold, we played board games, Wii, drawing and painting or we (got?) disguised. It’s easy for me to do art activities because it’s my first vocation/metier. Or else, for the most serious activities (=des activités plus sérieuses dans le sens que ce n’est pas seulement de l’amusement), I took Maëlle to school or to sport, I helped her to do this homework. With the youngest, we played educational games and reading. I also made him take bath and put him into bed. Moreover, I helped his mother to do household chores (vacuuming, washing the dishes, do cooking, laundry, cleaning up, etc.)
At the present time, I take care of Exxx, a baby 21 month old: we play modelling clay, we draw, we go to the sandpit or we go for a walk. Also I deal with her hygiene and her meal.
I’m an energetic person. I practise several activities like sport (I’m part of a volley-ball club), drawing and sew, singing, music and go out with my friends. I’m very sociable, I love laugh and do laugh others. This/it makes me very happy.
I have got some experiences in work: I worked for Mac Donald’s or check-out assistant for pay my studies and I already work for different enterprises in free-lance as designer.
I’m independent: as I live in my own apartment, I do/well know the household chores and the problems of daily life. Therefore, I shall respond to unforeseen.
I’m really motivated to work as an au pair girl and sincerely wish to become a member of your familu for a time. I promise to do my best to ensure that everything goes well.
I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon,
Sincerely yours,
Pxxxx
Je vous remercie par avance pour votre aide !
A bientôt j'espère.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 11-04-2012 16:53
Réponse: Lettre/ fille au pair de gerondif, postée le 11-04-2012 à 18:21:37 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Dear family,
My name is Priscilla. I almost 23 years old. I was born in the south of France, on the Twenty-sixth of July 1989, just next to the Mediterranean Sea.
My father’s name is Jxxx, he is ("a" devant les noms de métier)* mason. My mother’s name is Mxxx, she is(idem) * town clerk. I’m an only child.
In June 2007, I passed my “Baccalauréat Littéraire” (Equivalent British A-levels, with literary specialty), and I was also in the Art section. Then, I went to Mxxx for my studies. After 3 years over there, I obtained my School Diploma of Product Designer: I create some new objects of daily life (furniture, glasses, decorative objects, etc.). Now, I live in Nxxx, and I come(plutôt go back au futur) back/return to school in September 2012 in an International class of Product Design. So, I have to improve my English and I chose to do this “au pair” program for several reasons.
Indeed, ever since I was a teenager, I * (present perfect avec since)decided one day I would go in(déplacement, donc to) other countries for (pour + verbe!!)know other things and other cultures. I love travelling and meeting people from different cultures. Being a curious person, I developed a passion for new experiences. I visit my friends or I travel with them: Montpellier, Strasbourg, Lyon, Paris, Nice, Bordeaux, Brittany, Barcelona. Now it’s time to go to England! I love the United Kingdom and this language. I want to discover your culture and your landscapes, your double-deckers and your sights, your cooking and more(beaucoup) other things!
On the other hand, I love children. Being an only child, I always wanted to have any brothers or sisters.
Last year, I have(prétérit avec une date) passed 4 month(pluriel) with the family of(maladroit! 's!!) my boyfriend. It’s a great(au sens de super ou de grande famille?) family with 6 children. I took care of her(à qui? à une fille?) two youngest children: Lxxx, 4 years old and Mxxx, 10 years old. We did many funny activities all three(français traduit: metez "the three of us " comme sujet): when the weather was beautiful we played ball, hide-and-seek, games in our swimming pool or went for a walk. On the contrary, when it was cold, we played board games, Wii, (l'ing ne va pas avec we played)drawing and painting or we
At the present time, I take care of Exxx, a 21-month-old baby: we play (idem)modelling clay, we draw, we go to the sandpit or we go for a walk. Also I deal with her hygiene and her meals .
I’m an energetic person. I practise several activities like sport (français traduit: je pratique plusieurs activites "comme" sport)(I’m part of a volley-ball club), (cet ing se raccroche à quel verbe, vous alternez ing et infinitifs....)drawing and sew, singing, music and go out with my friends. I’m very sociable, I love(+ ing!!) laugh and do laugh others. This/it makes me very happy.
I have got some experiences in work (mal dit): I worked for Mac Donald’s or check-out assistant for pay my studies (pour + verbe? le verbe est "to pay for")and I *** already work** (present perfect) for different enterprises in free-lance as a designer.
Réponse: Lettre/ fille au pair de gerondif, postée le 11-04-2012 à 18:24:18 (S | E)
voici la fin du texte:
I’m independent: as I live in my own apartment, I do (know) the household chores and the problems of daily life well . Therefore, I shall respond to unforeseen (mal dit: unforeseen est un adjectif sauf si on met un the devant)).
I’m really motivated to work as an au pair girl and sincerely wish to become a member of your family for a time (for a while). I promise to do my best to ensure (plutôt to make sure) that everything goes well.
I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon,(I look forward iraît aussi)
Sincerely yours,
Réponse: Lettre/ fille au pair de pika, postée le 12-04-2012 à 15:56:07 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup!
Je me permets de faire suivre ma correction. J'ai repris l'anglais il y a seulement un mois, déjà que je n'étais pas spécialement forte, je suis contente qu'il n'y ait pas tant de fautes que ça !
Beaucoup de fautes d'inattentions, surtout de temps, des problèmes avec les énumérations et les articles, mais j'y arriverai ! merci pour les petits commentaires, c'est noté
En rouge : mes corrections
En gris : mes commentaires.
Dear family,
My name is Pxxxxx. I almost 23 years old. I was born in the south of France, on the Twenty-sixth of July 1989, just next to the Mediterranean Sea.
My father's name is Jxxx, he is a mason. My mother's name is Mxxx, she is a town clerk. I'm an only child.
In June 2007, I passed my "Baccalauréat Littéraire" (Equivalent British A-levels, with literary specialty), and I was also in the Art section. Then, I went to Mxxx for my studies. After 3 years over there, I obtained my School Diploma of Product Designer: I create some new objects of everyday/daily life (furniture, glasses, decorative objects, etc.). Now, I live in Nxxx, and I go back to school in September 2012 in an International class of Product Design. So, I have to improve my English and I chose to do this "au pair" program for several reasons.
Indeed, ever since I was a teenager, I have decided one day I would go to other countries to know other things and other cultures. I love travelling and meeting people from different cultures. Being a curious person, I developed a passion for new experiences. I visit my friends or I travel with them: Montpellier, Strasbourg, Lyon, Paris, Nice, Bordeaux, Brittany and Barcelona. Now it's time to go to England! I love the United Kingdom and the English language. I want to discover your culture and your landscapes, your double-deckers and your sights, your cooking and so much more!
On the other hand, I love children. Being an only child, I always wanted to have any brothers or sisters.
Last year, I spent/had passed 4 months with my boyfriend's family. It's a (large= pas nécessaire?) family of 6 children and I took care of two youngest children (je n'arrive pas introduire a qui sont ces enfants = des parents ;)... enfin ça coule de source quand meme non ?^^): Lxxx, 4 years old and Mxxx, 10 years old. We did many funny activities the three of us OU the three of us we did many fun activities: when the weather was beautiful we played ball, hide-and-seek, games in our swimming pool (j'ai l'impression qu'il manque des articles ?) or we went for a walk. On the contrary, when it was cold, we played board games, Wii, we paint, we drew or we disguised (= j'ai du mal avec les énumeration !). It's easy for me to do art activities because it's my first vocation/metier. Or else, for the most serious activities (est-ce bien le mot "serious" ici ? =des activités plus sérieuses dans le sens que ce n'est pas seulement de l'amusement), I took Mxxx to school or to sport, I helped her to do her homework. With the youngest child, we played educational games and I read him stories. I also made him take bath (lui faire prendre son bain? OUI = c'est la traduction que j'ai trouvé sur word reference = sinon je sèche sur la traduction...) and put him into bed. Moreover, I helped his mother to do household chores (vacuuming, washing the dishes, doing the cooking, laundry, cleaning up, etc.)
At the present time, I take care of Exxx, a 21-month-old baby: we play modelling (=cet ing fait parti de la grammaire du nom) clay (Plasticine), we draw, we go to the sandpit or we go for a walk. Also I deal with her hygiene and her meals.
I'm an energetic person. I practise several activities : sport (I'm part of a volley-ball club), art drawing and (the?) sewing (= "le dessin et la couture"). I like singing, the music and go out with my friends. I'm very sociable, I'm loving laugh and do laugh others. This/it 
makes me very happy.
I already have got some experiences in the working world: I worked for Mac Donald's or check-out assistant to pay for my studies and I have worked for different enterprises in free-lance as a designer.
I'm independent: as I live in my own apartment, I know the household chores and the problems of daily life well. Therefore, I shall respond to the possible unforeseen. (mal dit: unforeseen est un adjectif sauf si on met un the devant = Je voudrais dire en gros que je saurai faire face aux éventuels imprévus)
I'm really motivated to work as an au pair girl and sincerely wish to become a member of your family for a time (for a while). I promise to do my best to make sure that everything goes well.
I look forward to hearing from you soon,
Sincerely yours,
Encore merci !!
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 12-04-2012 16:04
Réponse: Lettre/ fille au pair de gerondif, postée le 12-04-2012 à 18:00:59 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Dear family,
My name is Pxxxxx. I am almost 23 years old. I was born in the south of France, on the Twenty-sixth of July 1989, just next to the Mediterranean Sea.
My father's name is Jxxx, he is a mason. My mother's name is Mxxx, she is a town clerk. I'm an only child.
In June 2007, I passed my "Baccalauréat Littéraire" (Equivalent British A-levels, with literary specialty), and I was also in the Art section. Then, I went to Mxxx for my studies. After 3 years over there, I obtained my School Diploma of Product Designer: I create
Indeed, ever since I was a teenager, I have decided one day I would go to other countries to know other things and other cultures. I love travelling and meeting people from different cultures. Being a curious person, I developed a passion for new experiences. I visit my friends or I travel with them: Montpellier, Strasbourg, Lyon, Paris, Nice, Bordeaux, Brittany and Barcelona. Now it's time to go to England! I love the United Kingdom and the English language. I want to discover your culture and your landscapes, your double-deckers and your sights, your cooking and so much more!
On the other hand, I love children. Being an only child, I have always wanted to have
Last year, I spent/
At the present time, I take(présent en ing) care of Exxx, a 21-month-old baby: we play clay modelling (on ne "joue" pas au modellisme, we practise clay modelling ) clay (Plasticine), we draw, we go to the sandpit or we go for
I'm an energetic person. I practise several activities : sports (I'm part of a volley-ball club), art drawing and (
I have already got (l'adverbe de fréquence se met entre l'auxiliaire et le verbe lexical) some experiences in the working world: I worked for Mac Donald's or as a check-out assistant to pay for my studies and I have worked for different enterprises(companies,businesses) in free-lance as a designer.
I'm independent: as I live in my own apartment, I know all about household chores and the problems of daily life
I'm really motivated to work as an au pair girl and sincerely wish to become a member of your family for a time (for a while). I promise to do my best to make sure that everything goes well.
I look forward to hearing from you soon,
Sincerely yours,
Yours sincerely me vient plus naturellement...
Bonnes corrections de votre part par ailleurs.
Réponse: Lettre/ fille au pair de pika, postée le 12-04-2012 à 18:32:25 (S | E)
Je vous remercie sincèrement de vos corrections. J'avoue que les traductions que vous me proposez sont beaucoup plus faciles, j'ai encore beaucoup de mal à réfléchir à la construction des phrases en anglais et en déduire une simplicité de mots...
En fait, il y avait beaucoup de fautes ! (rire)
Mais grâce à vous, je pourrai sans doute mieux m'exprimer pour une prochaine expression écrite. Les livres, c'est sympa pour apprendre, mais c'est bien plus constructif d'avoir des explications directement sur les problèmes concernés.
Je vous remercie une fois de plus, je vais pouvoir très bientôt envoyer mon dossier
Réponse: Lettre/ fille au pair de gerondif, postée le 12-04-2012 à 18:40:23 (S | E)
Good luck to you for your "au pair" job!
Réponse: Lettre/ fille au pair de pika, postée le 12-04-2012 à 18:45:46 (S | E)
Thank you !
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