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Correction /Application letter
Message de ursula posté le 29-04-2012 à 11:20:12 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
Je suis nouvelle sur le site donc j'espère que je poste mon sujet au bon endroit
Je dois écrire une lettre de motivation pour partir étudier dans une université anglaise pour laquelle je suis déjà pré-sélectionnée, cette lettre servira à juger de mon niveau d'anglais.
Je voudrais donc qu'elle soit parfaite, et j'apprécierais énormément votre aide et vos conseils, au niveau du contenu, mais surtout au niveau de la grammaire qui est mon point faible !
Voici la lettre:
[my name]
[my address]
[University name]
[university addresse]
[date]
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am currently a student at [université d'origine] and I would like to study in [université d'accueil] as an Erasmus student. I am French, therefore I only know the French university system, and this is why I am eager to gain new experiences. In my opinion, studying abroad is the best way to achieve that. As I study English Language and Literature, I would like to study in an English university, where I could have a completely different lifestyle, and where other opportunities to know the English culture would be offered to me.
It is a great chance to be able to study in a foreign country thanks to the Erasmus program. Indeed, it is an excellent way to become more open-minded, and to learn things differently. I am persuaded that it will be an asset in my future career. I am very keen to study at the [université d'accueil], which, I think, corresponds to what I expect to find in an university, since it welcomes an important number of foreign students offering a great diversity of lifestyle on the campus and a wide range of modules. The [université d'accueil] is one of the best universities in the United Kingdom, therefore it requires from its students an important level of personal work and commitment, which I am perfectly ready to do.
Thank you for considering my application.
Sincerely,
[my name]
Merci d'avance de votre aide!
Ursula
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-04-2012 11:59
Message de ursula posté le 29-04-2012 à 11:20:12 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
Je suis nouvelle sur le site donc j'espère que je poste mon sujet au bon endroit
Je dois écrire une lettre de motivation pour partir étudier dans une université anglaise pour laquelle je suis déjà pré-sélectionnée, cette lettre servira à juger de mon niveau d'anglais.
Je voudrais donc qu'elle soit parfaite, et j'apprécierais énormément votre aide et vos conseils, au niveau du contenu, mais surtout au niveau de la grammaire qui est mon point faible !
Voici la lettre:
[my name]
[my address]
[University name]
[university addresse]
[date]
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am currently a student at [université d'origine] and I would like to study in [université d'accueil] as an Erasmus student. I am French, therefore I only know the French university system, and this is why I am eager to gain new experiences. In my opinion, studying abroad is the best way to achieve that. As I study English Language and Literature, I would like to study in an English university, where I could have a completely different lifestyle, and where other opportunities to know the English culture would be offered to me.
It is a great chance to be able to study in a foreign country thanks to the Erasmus program. Indeed, it is an excellent way to become more open-minded, and to learn things differently. I am persuaded that it will be an asset in my future career. I am very keen to study at the [université d'accueil], which, I think, corresponds to what I expect to find in an university, since it welcomes an important number of foreign students offering a great diversity of lifestyle on the campus and a wide range of modules. The [université d'accueil] is one of the best universities in the United Kingdom, therefore it requires from its students an important level of personal work and commitment, which I am perfectly ready to do.
Thank you for considering my application.
Sincerely,
[my name]
Merci d'avance de votre aide!
Ursula
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 29-04-2012 11:59
Réponse: Correction /Application letter de bluestar, postée le 29-04-2012 à 13:53:04 (S | E)
Bonjour..
It's a very good letter. Rather than write "Dear Sir or Madam" it would better to find out who deals with these applications at the University and address the letter to him or her.
Sometimes you write "at the University" and sometimes you write "in the University" . Use "at" consistently - it is normal usage.
The sentence beginning.."It is a great chance" etc., would be better reworded as follows: "The Erasmus programme offers a great chance" etc., Note spelling of "programme". ("Program" refers to computers).
"I am convinced" is better than "I am persuaded" ..
"To learn things differently" --- better would be "to learn different approaches"
Omit "I think"
"a great diversity of lifestyles" (not "lifestyle")
Instead of the final "therefore" write "and so"...."Therefore" is a little stilted, un peu guinde.
Bonne chance!
Réponse: Correction /Application letter de ursula, postée le 29-04-2012 à 13:57:06 (S | E)
Thank you very much !
Réponse: Correction /Application letter de stammer, postée le 30-04-2012 à 01:14:50 (S | E)
Hello,
I'm not sure if this comes too late but when addressing letters "Dear Sir or Madam" or "To whom it may concern" we end with "Yours faithfully" or "Faithfully", whereas if it is "Dear Mr Joe Bloggs" or "To the Director of Admissions" we would end with "Yours sincerely" or "Sincerely".
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