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Correction/ présentation
Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En basCorrection/ présentation
Message de leah26 posté le 08-04-2014 à 17:24:50 (S | E | F)
Bonjour tout le monde !
je souhaite partir au pair quelques mois au Royaume Uni et pour cela je dois rédiger une lettre en anglais! Cependant mon niveau est loin d'être excellent, j'aurais donc besoin de vous pour un ou plusieurs avis, mais surtout une correctionsvp s'il vous plaît ! 
Dear family,
To start my name is Léa, I m 18 years old. I m french, and I live in Bordeaux, a big city in the south of France. But I was born in Libourne, a small city near to Bordeaux. Actually I study in law but the next years I would like do training.
I m very mature, dynamic and independant and isn’t a probleme to leave my country. I m serious and discreet and I can adapte really easily.
For me, family its essential, the link that I have with my family is very strong, so I would like forge a bond like a family relationship.
My dad names Richard, he is 58 years old and he is crane operator and my mother names Emilia, she is 54 years old and she is cleaning woman. Concerning my sister Ingrid she is 30 years old and she have a child Yannis aged of 6 years old.
I have many friends, and one best friend names Solenn, she live in Nancy in the north of France. I like to go to the cinema, to the restaurant, to the shopping with them. I have played basket ball for seven years and I like practice sport. Next I coach team of children aged from five to six years old.
Moreover, I really love children and I spend a lot of time with them. My first baby sitting was with Gabriel (six years old) and Léa (fourteen years old), I played with them, I cooked, ran a bath and put them in the bed and I take care of them the night.
Next I kept Valentin (seven years old) and Maxime (three years old) only the Wednesday but the mother was ill so I must stop to look after them. With them I played in the garden and I did a lot of sport!
Actually I take care of three children, Mahina (four years old), Johanna (three years old), Killan (eighteen month). In the morning I take them to school or to another baby sitter and the night I take them back. Next I got the meal ready and I played with them.
The rest of time I take care of my nephew, he is really important for me.
If I decided to be an au pair, it’s because I like the human contact and I would like to improve my English, and discover another country and another culture. I will have a very good relationship with you and yours children, I would like become like a sister for them.
See you soon!
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 08-04-2014 18:50
Message de leah26 posté le 08-04-2014 à 17:24:50 (S | E | F)
Bonjour tout le monde !
je souhaite partir au pair quelques mois au Royaume Uni et pour cela je dois rédiger une lettre en anglais! Cependant mon niveau est loin d'être excellent, j'aurais donc besoin de vous pour un ou plusieurs avis, mais surtout une correction
Dear family,
To start my name is Léa, I m 18 years old. I m french, and I live in Bordeaux, a big city in the south of France. But I was born in Libourne, a small city near to Bordeaux. Actually I study in law but the next years I would like do training.
I m very mature, dynamic and independant and isn’t a probleme to leave my country. I m serious and discreet and I can adapte really easily.
For me, family its essential, the link that I have with my family is very strong, so I would like forge a bond like a family relationship.
My dad names Richard, he is 58 years old and he is crane operator and my mother names Emilia, she is 54 years old and she is cleaning woman. Concerning my sister Ingrid she is 30 years old and she have a child Yannis aged of 6 years old.
I have many friends, and one best friend names Solenn, she live in Nancy in the north of France. I like to go to the cinema, to the restaurant, to the shopping with them. I have played basket ball for seven years and I like practice sport. Next I coach team of children aged from five to six years old.
Moreover, I really love children and I spend a lot of time with them. My first baby sitting was with Gabriel (six years old) and Léa (fourteen years old), I played with them, I cooked, ran a bath and put them in the bed and I take care of them the night.
Next I kept Valentin (seven years old) and Maxime (three years old) only the Wednesday but the mother was ill so I must stop to look after them. With them I played in the garden and I did a lot of sport!
Actually I take care of three children, Mahina (four years old), Johanna (three years old), Killan (eighteen month). In the morning I take them to school or to another baby sitter and the night I take them back. Next I got the meal ready and I played with them.
The rest of time I take care of my nephew, he is really important for me.
If I decided to be an au pair, it’s because I like the human contact and I would like to improve my English, and discover another country and another culture. I will have a very good relationship with you and yours children, I would like become like a sister for them.
See you soon!
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 08-04-2014 18:50
Réponse: Correction/ présentation de bluduck2, postée le 08-04-2014 à 18:26:30 (S | E)
Hello leah 26 !
Voici quelques remarques
ligne 1:-préférez "First" à "to start" ;"actually" est un faux ami.Vous voulez sûrement dire "presently"
-Il faut une majuscule aux adjectifs de nationalité :French English ,
-"near" veut dire "près de "(pas de "of")
ligne 2:pas d'article devant "law"
- next year / in the future /
- quel "training" voulez-vous entreprendre ? voulez-vous devenir "an apprentice" ?"an intern"?
ligne 3 to adapt (sans"e")
ligne 4 "forge" ?que voulez-vous dire ?
ligne 5 Revoyez le cas possessif après "father" et "mother" et ensuite,pensez à écrire verbe être
voc:cleaning lady
ligne 6 I have , she has .
ligne 6 et ligne 8 /expression de l'âge :he is 6(years old) /aged 6 /
ligne 7 et ligne 17 Adjectifs possessifs : her name ;your children
ligne 7 :conjuguez le verbe "to live" à la 3ème personne du singulier .
ligne 7 et ligne 8 :to like+verb+ING I like shopping, like going to the cinema .
ligne 8 :oubli de l'article devant "team"
ligne 9 :mais pas d'article devant "bed"
ligne 10 :temps ,to take, simple past .
ligne 11: voc :you are a baby sitter, you look after children (you keep their toys, their coats)
ligne 11 :you work every Wednesday /on Wednesdays /
ligne 12: to stop+verb+ING
ligne 14 :cherchez la préposition correcte pour "le soir"
temps de "to get"
I hope this helps !
Bluduck2
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