Expression/démocratie

Expression/démocratie
Message de marine1996 posté le 22-04-2014 à 19:41:21 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
voilà j'ai une expression écrite à préparer (c'est un travail facultatif que j'aimerais faire afin d'améliorer mon anglais), je l'ai évidemment bien commencée voire finie. Cependant, je pense que j'ai de nombreuses erreurs, c'est pour cela que je viens poster ce message. Pouvez-vous m'aider à corriger mes erreurs s'il vous plaît?

In each society, there are different forms of power. Indeed, in each society, there are different laws, and rights! What are the ways to maintain the democracy?

First, I consider that to protect the democracy, we must protect our rights. Indeed, the human rights are very important in this form of power and we must keep them. If the government or somebody high-ranking wishes to remove them to us, it is necessary to protest and to revolt! (of course in a pacifist way !). For example, if the government closes twitter or Facebook (as in Turkey) , as good citizen, we have to react, say "no,We have a freedom of speech"! It is the same for the censorship, we have the right to be informed! So, in a democracy, the rights are indispensable!

Then, I think that the citizens don’t have to be naïve. Indeed, the government, the media, the high political authorities can influence us, sometimes negatively and that can be very dangerous! As a matter of fact, the government can justify their acts, act in a monstrous way and tell us that it is for the good of the country! It’s normal! There are a lot of examples: the witches during the middle age, the Jews during the second wold war … There is also the media, they can manipulate us easily, show us only what suit hem and not the truth... The images, the words are sometimes misleading! We must always think and search the truth not to be to indoctrinate by the government or media, and to protect our democracy!

Finally, we always must to improve our democracy, for example, helping the disadvantaged or fighting the disparities, discrimination as made the black panthers’ movement in the USA!

As a conclusion, the democracy is very fragile and to keep it to do everything in our power to us!

Merci d'avance !
marine1996

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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-04-2014 21:07

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Réponse: Expression/démocratie de sherry48, postée le 22-04-2014 à 20:43:40 (S | E)
Hello.

Here are a few hints to start with:
For a general noun like democracy, freedom (of speech), censorship, (human) rights, etc. no article is required, but for good citizen, without an article, it should be plural or it requires an article if it is singular.
Remove needs a different preposition.
You cannot use an infinitive in the next to last sentence as you have it. The addition of another verb could make it possible.
Watch the place for the adverb of frequency in that sentence.
Sherry

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Réponse: Expression/démocratie de marine1996, postée le 23-04-2014 à 18:26:53 (S | E)
OK ! Tout d'abord, merci beaucoup

J'ai donc fait les modifications de mes erreurs que j'ai réussi à repérer suite à votre réponse.
Voilà ce que j'ai désormais :

In each society, there are different forms of power. For Indeed, in each society, there are different laws, and rights! What are the ways to maintain democracy?

First, I consider that to protect the democracy, we must protect our rights. Indeed, human rights are very important in this form of power and we must keep them. If the government or somebody high-ranking wishes to withdraw them, it is necessary to protest and to revolt! (of course, in a pacifist way !). For example, if the government closes twitter or Facebook (as in Turkey) , as good citizen, we have to react, say no! We have freedom of speech! It is the same for censorship; we have the right to be informed! So, in a democracy, the rights are indispensable!

Then, I think that the citizens don’t have to be naïve. Indeed, the government, media, high political authorities can influence us, sometimes negatively and that can be very dangerous! As a matter of fact, the government can justify their acts, act in a monstrous way and tell us that it is for the good of the country! It’s normal! There are a lot of examples: the witches during the middle age, the Jews during the second wold war … There also are the media, they easily can manipulate us, show us only what suit hem and not the truth... Sometimes, the images, the words are misleading! We always must think and search the truth not to be to indoctrinate by the government or media, and to protect our democracy!
Finally, we always must to improve our democracy, for example, helping the disadvantaged or fighting the disparities, discrimination as made the black panthers’ movement in the USA!

As a conclusion, the democracy is very fragile and we must do everything in our power to us to keep it!!

Est-ce mieux ?

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Modifié par lucile83 le 23-04-2014 21:44

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Réponse: Expression/démocratie de sherry48, postée le 23-04-2014 à 23:29:17 (S | E)
Hello.

You've made a good start, but there are still some to complete.

First, I consider that to protect the democracy, we must protect our rights...

as good citizen__, we have to react...

I think that the citizens don’t have to be naïve...

Sometimes, the images, the words are misleading!

We always must think and search for the truth andnot to be to indoctrinate__ by the government or media

Finally, we always must to improve our democracy, for example, helping the disadvantaged or fighting (the) disparities

As a conclusion, the democracy is very fragile and we must do everything in our power to us to keep it!!

Also, there also are the media, they easily can manipulate us, show us only what suit hem ...Media takes a singular verb.
Sherry

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Modifié par sherry48 le 10-05-2014 22:06

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Réponse: Expression/démocratie de marine1996, postée le 10-05-2014 à 22:04:07 (S | E)
Ok thank you very much !

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