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Message de derma posté le 06-12-2015 à 13:49:53 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
je dois écrire la suite d'un extrait de livre de nous avons étudié en cours. J'ai donc fini la rédaction mais je ne suis pas sûre de moi car il faut écrire au passé, et c'est la première fois que je rédige à ce temps... J'aimerais donc que quelqu'un m'indique mes fautes, afin que j'essaye de les corriger.
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide.
Suddenly, I realized the seriousness of the situation.
I was here, alone, in this huge and dark forest ; the panic took hold of me. I knew perfectly well that I had no chance face to face with this vampire, but every single instinct of mine told me to get off this place, right now. Then I ran quickly, into the forest, without looking back.
I felt him just behind me, his icy breath gave me chills. Gradually, I was weakening : my lips started trembling and my feet went numb. A few seconds later, my knees buckled and as I fell to the floor.
During my fall, I hit my head on a tree trunk, blood was flowing from my head. Immediately, the pain was intense and my blood pressure began to drop. Then, I blacked out (perdre connaissance/ faire un malaise ??). I was unconscious, but my sense of touch was still sensitive. Laurent lifted me slowly and took me in his arms. After that, everything became blurry in my mind...
When I awake, it was dark and I couldn't see very well.
I was not sure, but I seemed to be in a bathroom and I was duct-taped to a chair. The air was so wet that I had trouble breathing : I started having asthma. So, I began to search my pockets fiercely, but I couldn't find my medicine. I thought that I had lost my inhaler while running. The stress was getting to me and I did not know what to do : I was desperate.
Suddenly, I heard a strange noise like someone was walking in the hallway. "Who is here ?" I asked in a voice tremulous, husky, and very low.
Laurent came into the room. His face was sad and he seemed preoccupied. Immediately, he saw that I choked and cut the ropes tied around my feet. He said with apprehension : "What happened to you ?". At first, I did not answer, but I saw that he was very worried, I told him "I am unable to breathe !". He opened the window and served me a glass of water. Actually, he was really distressed and anybody could have seen how he was sad.
Laurent was the man who had taken me and yet I had no hatred to him. I knew he was not at the origin of this plan but that the orders came from upstairs. Everything seemed so confused in my mind and I didn't know what to believe. On the one hand, I was worried and uncertain about his intentions. One the other hand, I felt like there was some kind of weird connection there between us.
For long hours, we'd stayed together, seated on the ground. I felt more and more uncomfortable. In addition, it was so cold that I had no feeling in my fingers or feet.
When I woke up, Laurent was gone. However, I overheard him talking on the phone to Victoria. The sound of his voice was very low and I felt that he was afraid. He said gently : "I can't do that". At this moment, Victoria started to scream over the phone : « You either kill her, right here, right now, or I kill you!". Everything became clear and I understood that Laurent were faced with a dilemma. My heart began to beat aloud and I knew I was lost. Victoria had planned it down to the last detail.
I thought about this for a second but I had no time, so I tried to call deep on my courage.
Then, I started to disassemble the back of the toilet to take out a long metal bar. It was really disgusting and dirty but I knew that it was the only way to get out of here alive. I took this metal object and tried to pick the lock but I didn't enough strength to open the door. Desperate, yes I was desperate. I repeated the word anxiously and I didn't know what to do.
Then suddenly, Laurent came back, approached me and take me by the hand. I started to cry nervously but I was surprised by the reaction of Laurent. Immediately, he stopped close to me, smiling, and said: "I want to save you". Actually, I did not have many choices, so, I believed him because he seemed very sincere. We pass through a long corridor that opens to the rear onto a staircase leading to the first floor.
What had to happen happened.
Victoria and all her team were coming right at us.
At this moment, Laurent roared : "run away!" And without thinking, I was just running in the direction of the forest. When I was far enough, I looked at the battle. Laurent was on the ground, unconscious. My first reaction was to return to the field to help him but I had no time to lose, before they tracked me down. So, I kept running and I kept running... Finally, I sort of got somewhere, I sort of stood there and looked around me. The only thing that I thought is : Laurent, this unknown, saved my life. I have to fight for him and I will avenge him!
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 06-12-2015 14:34
Message de derma posté le 06-12-2015 à 13:49:53 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
je dois écrire la suite d'un extrait de livre de nous avons étudié en cours. J'ai donc fini la rédaction mais je ne suis pas sûre de moi car il faut écrire au passé, et c'est la première fois que je rédige à ce temps... J'aimerais donc que quelqu'un m'indique mes fautes, afin que j'essaye de les corriger.
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide.
Suddenly, I realized the seriousness of the situation.
I was here, alone, in this huge and dark forest ; the panic took hold of me. I knew perfectly well that I had no chance face to face with this vampire, but every single instinct of mine told me to get off this place, right now. Then I ran quickly, into the forest, without looking back.
I felt him just behind me, his icy breath gave me chills. Gradually, I was weakening : my lips started trembling and my feet went numb. A few seconds later, my knees buckled and as I fell to the floor.
During my fall, I hit my head on a tree trunk, blood was flowing from my head. Immediately, the pain was intense and my blood pressure began to drop. Then, I blacked out (perdre connaissance/ faire un malaise ??). I was unconscious, but my sense of touch was still sensitive. Laurent lifted me slowly and took me in his arms. After that, everything became blurry in my mind...
When I awake, it was dark and I couldn't see very well.
I was not sure, but I seemed to be in a bathroom and I was duct-taped to a chair. The air was so wet that I had trouble breathing : I started having asthma. So, I began to search my pockets fiercely, but I couldn't find my medicine. I thought that I had lost my inhaler while running. The stress was getting to me and I did not know what to do : I was desperate.
Suddenly, I heard a strange noise like someone was walking in the hallway. "Who is here ?" I asked in a voice tremulous, husky, and very low.
Laurent came into the room. His face was sad and he seemed preoccupied. Immediately, he saw that I choked and cut the ropes tied around my feet. He said with apprehension : "What happened to you ?". At first, I did not answer, but I saw that he was very worried, I told him "I am unable to breathe !". He opened the window and served me a glass of water. Actually, he was really distressed and anybody could have seen how he was sad.
Laurent was the man who had taken me and yet I had no hatred to him. I knew he was not at the origin of this plan but that the orders came from upstairs. Everything seemed so confused in my mind and I didn't know what to believe. On the one hand, I was worried and uncertain about his intentions. One the other hand, I felt like there was some kind of weird connection there between us.
For long hours, we'd stayed together, seated on the ground. I felt more and more uncomfortable. In addition, it was so cold that I had no feeling in my fingers or feet.
When I woke up, Laurent was gone. However, I overheard him talking on the phone to Victoria. The sound of his voice was very low and I felt that he was afraid. He said gently : "I can't do that". At this moment, Victoria started to scream over the phone : « You either kill her, right here, right now, or I kill you!". Everything became clear and I understood that Laurent were faced with a dilemma. My heart began to beat aloud and I knew I was lost. Victoria had planned it down to the last detail.
I thought about this for a second but I had no time, so I tried to call deep on my courage.
Then, I started to disassemble the back of the toilet to take out a long metal bar. It was really disgusting and dirty but I knew that it was the only way to get out of here alive. I took this metal object and tried to pick the lock but I didn't enough strength to open the door. Desperate, yes I was desperate. I repeated the word anxiously and I didn't know what to do.
Then suddenly, Laurent came back, approached me and take me by the hand. I started to cry nervously but I was surprised by the reaction of Laurent. Immediately, he stopped close to me, smiling, and said: "I want to save you". Actually, I did not have many choices, so, I believed him because he seemed very sincere. We pass through a long corridor that opens to the rear onto a staircase leading to the first floor.
What had to happen happened.
Victoria and all her team were coming right at us.
At this moment, Laurent roared : "run away!" And without thinking, I was just running in the direction of the forest. When I was far enough, I looked at the battle. Laurent was on the ground, unconscious. My first reaction was to return to the field to help him but I had no time to lose, before they tracked me down. So, I kept running and I kept running... Finally, I sort of got somewhere, I sort of stood there and looked around me. The only thing that I thought is : Laurent, this unknown, saved my life. I have to fight for him and I will avenge him!
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 06-12-2015 14:34
Réponse: Aide récap/ texte de here4u, postée le 06-12-2015 à 14:49:12 (S | E)
Suddenly, I realized the seriousness of the situation.
I was here, alone, in this huge and dark forest ; the panic took hold of me. I knew perfectly well that I had no chance face to face with this vampire, but every single instinct of mine told me to get off this place, right now. Then I ran quickly, into the forest, without looking back.
I felt him just behind me, his icy breath gave me chills. Gradually, I was weakening : my lips started trembling and my feet went numbTB . A few seconds later, my knees buckled and as I fell XXto the floor.
During my fall, I hit my head on a tree trunk, blood was flowing from my head. Immediately, the pain was intense and my blood pressure began to drop. Then, I blacked out (perdre connaissance OK / faire un malaise ??). I was unconscious, but my sense of touch was still sensitive. Laurent lifted me slowly and took me inXX his arms. After that, everything became blurry in my mind...
When I awake, it was dark and I couldn't see very well.
I was not sure, but I seemed to be in a bathroom and I was duct-taped to a chair. The air was so wet that I had trouble breathing : I started having asthma. So, I began to search my pockets fiercely, but I couldn't find my medicine. I thought that I had lost my inhaler while running. The stress was getting to me and I did not know what to do : I was desperate.
Suddenly, I heard a strange noise like someone was walking in the hallway. "Who is here ?" I asked in a (
Laurent came into the room. His face was sad and he seemed preoccupied. Immediately, he saw that I choked(action en déroulement!) and cut the ropes tied around my feet. He said with apprehension : "What happened to you ?". At first, I did not answer, but I saw that he was very worried, I told him "I CAN'T am unable to breathe !". He opened the window and served me a glass of water. Actually, he was really distressed and anybody could have seen how he was sad(word order).
Laurent was the man who had taken me and yet I had no hatred to him. I knew he was not at the origin of this plan but that the orders came from upstairs
. Everything seemed so confused in my mind and I didn't know what to believe. On the one hand, I was worried and uncertain about his intentions. One the other hand, I felt like there was some kind of weird connection there between us. For long hours, we'd stayed together, seated on the ground. I felt more and more uncomfortable. In addition, it was so cold that I had no feeling in my fingers or feet.
When I woke up, Laurent was gone. However, I overheard him talking on the phone to Victoria.word order) The sound of his voice was very low and I felt that he was afraid. He said gently : "I can't do that". At this moment, Victoria started to scream over the phone : « You either kill her, right here, right now, or I kill you!". Everything became clear and I understood that Laurent were faced with a dilemma. My heart began to beat aloud and I knew I was lost. Victoria had planned it down to the last detail.
I thought about this for a second but I had no time, so I tried to call deep on my courage.
Then, I started to disassemble the back of the toilet to take out a long metal bar. It was really disgusting and dirty but I knew that it was the only way to get out of here alive. I took this metal object and tried to pick the lock but I didn't enough???? verb??? strength to open the door. Desperate, yes I was desperate. I repeated the word anxiously and I didn't know what to do.
Then suddenly, Laurent came back, approached me and take me by the hand. I started to cry nervously but I was surprised by the reaction of Laurent. Immediately, he stopped close to me, smiling, and said: "I want to save you". Actually, I did not have many choices, so, I believed him because he seemed very sincere. We pass through a long corridor that opens to the rear onto a staircase leading to the first floor.
What had to happen happened.
Victoria and all her team were coming right at us.
At this moment, Laurent roared : "run away!" And without thinking, I was just running in the direction of the forest. When I was far enough, I looked at the battle. Laurent was on the ground, unconscious. My first reaction was to return to the field to help him but I had no time to lose, before they tracked me down. So, I kept running and I kept running... Finally, I sort of got somewhere, I sort of stood there and looked around me. The only thing that I thought is : Laurent, this unknown= an adjective!, we want a noun. ), saved my life. I have to fight for him and I will avenge him!
OK ! (underlined = clumsy.)
Réponse: Aide récap/ texte de derma, postée le 06-12-2015 à 16:16:05 (S | E)
Bonjour merci beaucoup pour votre aide. J'ai essayé de corriger un maximum. Qu'en pensez-vous ?
Suddenly, I realized the seriousness of the situation.
I was here, alone, in this huge and dark forest ; the panic took hold of me. I knew perfectly well that I had no chance against this vampire, but every single instinct of mine told me to get off this place, as soon as possible. So, I ran quickly into the forest, without looking back.
I felt him just behind me, his icy breath gave me chills. Gradually, I was weakening : my lips started trembling and my feet went numbTB (Tb ?? très bien??) . A few seconds later, my knees buckled and as I fell into the floor.
During my fall, I hit my head on a tree trunk, I was bleeding from my head. Immediately, the pain was intense and my blood pressure began to drop. Then, I blacked out (perdre connaissance OK / faire un malaise ??). I was unconscious, but my sense of touch became hyper alert. Laurent lifted me slowly and took me inXX his arms. After that, everything became blurry in my mind...
When I woke up, it was dark and I couldn't see very well.
I was not sure, but I seemed to be in a bathroom and I was duct-taped to a chair. The air was so wet that I had trouble breathing : I started having asthma. So, I began to search my pockets fiercely, but I couldn't find my medicine. I thought that I had lost my inhaler while running. Stress was getting to me and I did not know what to do : I was desperate.
Suddenly, I heard a strange noise as if someone was walking in the hallway. "Who is here ?" I asked in a tremulous, husky, and very low voice .
Laurent came into the room. His face was sad and he seemed preoccupied. Immediately, he saw that I was suffocating and cut the ropes tied around my feet. He said with apprehension : "What happened to you ?". At first, I did not answer, but I saw that he was very worried, I told him "I CAN'T am unable to breathe !". He opened the window and served me a glass of water. Actually, he was really distressed and anybody could have seen how sad he was.
Laurent was the man who had taken me and yet I had no hatred to him. I knew he was not at the origin of this plan but that the orders came from upstairs (les ordres venaient de plus haut??). Everything seemed so confused in my mind and I didn't know what to believe. On the one hand, I was worried and uncertain about his intentions. One the other hand, I felt like/as (je ne sais pas désolée) there was some kind of weird connection there between us.
For long hours, we'd stayed together, seated on the ground. I was feeling more and more uncomfortable. In addition, it was so cold that I couldn't feel my fingers or feet.
When I woke up, Laurent was gone. However, I overheard him talking on the phone with Victoria. The sound of his voice was very low and I felt that he was afraid. He said gently : "I can't do that". At that moment, Victoria started to scream over the phone : « You either kill her, right here, right now, or I kill you!". Everything became clear and I understood that Laurent were facing a dilemma. My heart began to race or was beating faster ?? and I knew I was lost. Victoria had planned it down to the last detail.
I thought about this for a second but I had no time, so I tried to call deep on my courage.
Then, I started to get apart (démonter?) the back of the toilet to take out a long metal bar. It was really disgusting and dirty but I knew that it was the only way to get out of here alive (je ne vois pas ce qui est faut : partir d'ici vivante c'est pas « here »?). I took this metal object and tried to pick the lock but I didn't enough???? verb??? strength to open the door. Desperate, yes I was desperate. I repeated the word anxiously and I didn't know what to do.
Then suddenly, Laurent came back, approached me and took me by the hand. I started crying nervously but I was surprised by Laurent's reaction. Immediately, he stopped close to me, smiling, and said: "I want to save you". Actually, I did not have many choices, so, I believed him because he seemed very sincere. We passed through a long corridor that opened to the rear onto a staircase leading to the first floor.
What had to happen happened.
Victoria and her band of bloody thugs were coming right at us.
At that moment, Laurent roared : "run away!" And without thinking, I was just running in the direction of the forest. When I was far enough, I looked at the battle. Laurent was on the ground, unconscious. My first reaction was to return to the field to help him but I had no time to lose, before they tracked me down. So, I kept running and I kept running... Finally, I sort of got somewhere, I sort of stood there and looked around me (pourquoi pas « me »?). The only thing that I thought was : Laurent, this stranger, saved my life. I have to fight for him and I will avenge him!
OK ! (underlined = clumsy.)
Réponse: Aide récap/ texte de here4u, postée le 06-12-2015 à 16:40:49 (S | E)
(Bon !ce qui était en bleu est faux et devait être changé...ce qui est maladroit aussi ... Il faut un texte narratif (au passé, donc, on est éloigné de l'action ... this, now et here sont proches ...il faut les éloigner...)je relirai après correction ...
Suddenly, I realized the seriousness of the situation.
I was here, alone, in this huge and dark forest ; the panic= abstract noun!) took hold of me. I knew perfectly well that I had no chance face to face with this vampire, but every single instinct of mine told me to get off this place, right now. Then I ran quickly, into the forest, without looking back.
I felt him just behind me, his icy breath gave me XXX chills. Gradually, I was weakening : my lips started trembling and my feet went numb. A few seconds later, my knees buckled
(and) as I fell to the floor.During my fall, I hit my head on a tree trunk, blood was flowing from my head. Immediately, the pain was intense and my blood pressure began to drop. Then, I blacked out (perdre connaissance/ faire un malaise ??). I was unconscious, but my sense of touch was still sensitive. Laurent lifted me slowly and took me inXX his arms. After that, everything became blurry in my mind... j'arrête là!
When I awake
, it was dark and I couldn't see very well. I was not sure, but I seemed to be in a bathroom and I was duct-taped to a chair. The air was so wet that I had trouble breathing : I started having asthma. So, I began to search my pockets fiercely, but I couldn't find my medicine. I thought that I had lost my inhaler while running. The stress was getting to me and I did not know what to do : I was desperate.
Suddenly, I heard a strange noise like someone was walking in the hallway. "Who is here ?" I asked in a voice tremulous, husky, and very low.
Laurent came into the room. His face was sad and he seemed preoccupied. Immediately, he saw that I choked and cut the ropes tied around my feet. He said with apprehension : "What happened to you ?". At first, I did not answer, but I saw that he was very worried, I told him "I am unable to breathe !". He opened the window and served me a glass of water. Actually, he was really distressed and anybody could have seen how he was sad.
Laurent was the man who had taken me and yet I had no hatred to him. I knew he was not at the origin of this plan but that the orders came from upstairs(= en haut de l'escalier!). Everything seemed so confused in my mind and I didn't know what to believe. On the one hand, I was worried and uncertain about his intentions. One the other hand, I felt like there was some kind of weird connection there between us.
For long hours, we'd stayed together, seated on the ground. I felt more and more uncomfortable. In addition, it was so cold that I had no feeling in my fingers or feet.
When I woke up, Laurent was gone. However, I overheard him talking on the phone to Victoria. The sound of his voice was very low and I felt that he was afraid. He said gently : "I can't do that". At this moment, Victoria started to scream over the phone : « You either kill her, right here, right now, or I kill you!". Everything became clear and I understood that Laurent were faced with a dilemma. My heart began to beat aloud and I knew I was lost. Victoria had planned it down to the last detail.
I thought about this for a second but I had no time, so I tried to call deep on my courage.
Then, I started to disassemble the back of the toilet to take out a long metal bar. It was really disgusting and dirty but I knew that it was the only way to get out of here alive. I took this metal object and tried to pick the lock but I didn't enough strength to open the door. Desperate, yes I was desperate. I repeated the word anxiously and I didn't know what to do.
Then suddenly, Laurent came back, approached me and take me by the hand. I started to cry nervously but I was surprised by the reaction of Laurent. Immediately, he stopped close to me, smiling, and said: "I want to save you". Actually, I did not have many choices, so, I believed him because he seemed very sincere. We pass through a long corridor that opens to the rear onto a staircase leading to the first floor.
What had to happen happened.
Victoria and all her team were coming right at us.
At this moment, Laurent roared : "run away!" And without thinking, I was just running in the direction of the forest. When I was far enough, I looked at the battle. Laurent was on the ground, unconscious. My first reaction was to return to the field to help him but I had no time to lose, before they tracked me down. So, I kept running and I kept running... Finally, I sort of got somewhere, I sort of stood there and looked around me. The only thing that I thought is : Laurent, this unknown, saved my life. I have to fight for him and I will avenge him!
Réponse: Aide récap/ texte de derma, postée le 06-12-2015 à 17:09:54 (S | E)
Je suis vraiment vraiment désolée ,j'ai fait un copier coller sur word pour effectuer les corrections mais je sais pas ce qui s'est passé, il y a plusieurs modifications (en bleu) que j'ai faites qui manquent.
Je le refais et je le poste
Réponse: Aide récap/ texte de derma, postée le 06-12-2015 à 17:38:46 (S | E)
Voilà j'espère que ça va marcher cette fois ci
Suddenly, I realized the seriousness of the situation.
I was there, alone, in a huge and dark forest ; panic took hold of me. I knew perfectly well that I had no chance against this vampire, but every single instinct of mine told me to get off the place, as soon as possible. So, I ran quickly into the forest, without looking back.
I felt him just behind me, his icy breath gave me the chills. Gradually, I was weakening : my lips started trembling and my feet went numb. A few seconds later, my knees buckled (genoux ont fléchi) and I fell to the ground.
During my fall, I hit my head on a tree trunk and I was bleeding from my head. Immediately, the pain was intense and my blood pressure began to drop. Then, I blacked out (perdre connaissance OK / faire un malaise ??). I was unconscious, but my sense of touch became alert. Laurent lifted me slowly and took me into his arms. After that, everything became blurry in my mind...
When I woke up, it was dark and I couldn't see very well.
I was not sure, but I seemed to be in a bathroom and I was duct-taped to a chair. The air was so wet that I had trouble breathing : I started having asthma. So, I began to search my pockets fiercely, but I couldn't find my medicine. I thought that I had lost my inhaler while running. Stress was getting to me and I did not know what to do : I was desperate.
Suddenly, I heard a strange noise as if someone was walking in the hallway. "Who is here ?" I asked in a tremulous, husky, and very low voice .
Laurent came into the room. His face was sad and he seemed preoccupied. Immediately, he saw that I was suffocating and cut the ropes tied around my feet. He said with apprehension : "What happened to you ?". At first, I did not answer, but I saw that he was very worried, I told him "I CAN'T am unable to breathe !". He opened the window and served me a glass of water. Actually, he was really distressed and anybody could have seen how sad he was.
Laurent was the man who had taken me and yet I had no hatred to him. I knew he was not at the origin of this plan but that the orders came from above (les ordres venaient de plus haut??). Everything seemed so confused in my mind and I didn't know what to believe. On the one hand, I was worried and uncertain about his intentions. One the other hand, I felt like/as (je ne sais pas désolée) there was some kind of weird connection there between us.
For long hours, we'd stayed together, seated on the ground. I was feeling more and more uncomfortable. In addition, it was so cold that I couldn't feel my fingers or feet.
When I woke up, Laurent was gone. However, I overheard him talking on the phone with Victoria. The sound of his voice was very low and I felt that he was afraid. He said gently : "I can't do that". At that moment, Victoria started to scream over the phone : « You either kill her, right here, right now, or I kill you!". Everything became clear and I understood that Laurent were facing a dilemma. My heart began to race or (was beating faster) ?? and I knew I was lost. Victoria had planned it down to the last detail.
I thought about it for a second but I had no time, so I tried to call deep on my courage.
Then, I started to get apart (démonter?) the back of the toilet to take out a long metal bar. It was really disgusting and dirty but I knew that it was the only way to get out of there alive. I took this metal object and tried to pick the lock but I was not strong enough to open the door. Desperate, yes I was desperate. I repeated the word anxiously and I didn't know what to do.
Then suddenly, Laurent came back, approached me and took me by the hand. I started crying nervously but I was surprised by Laurent's reaction. Immediately, he stopped close to me, smiling, and said: "I want to save you". Actually, I did not have many choices, so, I believed him because he seemed very sincere. We passed through a long corridor that opened to the rear onto a staircase leading to the first floor.
What had to happen happened.
Victoria and her band of bloody thugs were coming right at us.
At that moment, Laurent roared : "run away!" And without thinking, I was just running in the direction of the forest. When I was far enough, I looked at the battle. Laurent was on the ground, unconscious. My first reaction was to return to the field to help him but I had no time to lose, before they tracked me down. So, I kept running and I kept running... Finally, I sort of got somewhere, I sort of stood there and looked around me (pourquoi pas « me »?). The only thing that I thought was : Laurent, this stranger, saved my life. I have to fight for him and I will avenge him!
Réponse: Aide récap/ texte de here4u, postée le 06-12-2015 à 22:13:08 (S | E)
Hello again!
Suddenly, I realized the seriousness of the situation.
I was there, alone, in a huge and dark forest ; panic took hold of me. I knew perfectly well that I had no chance against this vampire, but every single instinct of mine told me to get off the place, as soon as possible. So, I ran quickly into the forest, without looking back.
I felt him just behind me, his icy breath gave me the chills. Gradually, I was weakening : my lips started trembling and my feet went numb. A few seconds later, my knees buckled (genoux ont fléchi) and I fell to the ground.
During my fall, I hit my head on a tree trunk and It was bleeding + adverb
When I woke up, it was dark and I couldn't see very well.
I was not sure, but I seemed to be in a bathroom and I was duct-taped to a chair. The air was so wet that I had trouble breathing : I started having asthma. So, I began to search my pockets fiercely, but I couldn't find my medicine. I thought that I had lost my inhaler while running. Stress was getting to me and I did not know what to do : I was desperate.
Suddenly, I heard a strange noise as if someone was walking in the hallway. "Who is here ?" I asked in a tremulous, husky, and very low voice .
Laurent came into the room. His face was sad and he seemed preoccupied. Immediately, he saw that I was suffocating and cut the ropes tied around my feet(OK ! You're breathing with your feet!
). He said with apprehension : "What happened to you ?". At first, I did not answer, but I saw that he was very worried, I told him "I CAN'TLaurent was the man who had taken me and yet I had no hatred to him. I knew he was not at the origin of this plan but that the orders came from above (les ordres venaient de plus haut??). Everything seemed so confused in my mind and I didn't know what to believe. On the one hand, I was worried and uncertain about his intentions. One the other hand, I felt like/as if (je ne sais pas désolée) there was/were(=irréel!) some kind of weird connection there between us.
For long hours, we('d) stayed together, seated on the ground. I was feeling more and more uncomfortable. In addition, it was so cold that I couldn't feel my fingers or feet.
When I woke up, Laurent was gone. However, I overheard him talking on the phone with Victoria. The sound of his voice was very low and I felt that he was afraid. He said gently : "I can't do that". At that moment, Victoria started to scream over the phone : « You either you kill her, right here, right now, or I kill you!". Everything became clear and I understood that Laurent were= singular!) facing a dilemma. My heart began to race or (was beating faster) ?? and I knew I was lost. Victoria had planned it down to the last detail.
I thought about it for a second but I had no time, so I tried to call deep on my courage.
Then, I started to get apart (démonter?) the back of the toilet to take out a long metal bar. It was really disgusting and dirty but I knew that it was the only way to get out of there alive. I took this metal object and tried to pick the lock but I was not strong enough to open the door. Desperate, yes I was desperate. I repeated the word anxiously and I didn't know what to do.
Then suddenly, Laurent came back, approached me and took me by themy hand. I started crying nervously but I was surprised by Laurent's reaction. Immediately, he stopped close to me, smiling, and said: "I want to save you". Actually, I did not have many choices, so, I believed him because he seemed very sincere. We passed through a long corridor that opened to the rear onto a staircase leading to the first floor.
What had to happen happened. (did happen)
Victoria and her band- gang? of bloody thugs were coming right at us.
At that moment, Laurent roared : "run away!" And without thinking, I was just running in the direction of the forest. When I was far enough, I looked at the battle. Laurent was on the ground, unconscious. My first reaction was to return to the field to help him but I had no time to lose, before they tracked me down. So, I kept running and I kept running... Finally, I sort of got somewhere, I sort of stood there and looked around me (pourquoi pas « me »?)("me"'s Ok, "myself" would be clearer). The only thing that I thought was : Laurent, this stranger, saved my life. I have to fight for him and I will avenge him!
A lot better!
Réponse: Aide récap/ texte de derma, postée le 07-12-2015 à 17:12:34 (S | E)
Voilà j'ai effectué les dernières modifications, les phrases suivantes sont-elles justes ?
Merci encore pour votre aide
I hit my head on a tree trunk and I was bleeding very badly.
I knew he was not at the origin of that plan.
Victoria started to cry over the phone : « Either you kill her, right here, right now, or I kill you!"
I understood that Laurent was facing a dilemma.
What had to happen did happen.
...were coming right at/to us. ??
Réponse: Aide récap/ texte de lemagemasque, postée le 07-12-2015 à 19:23:17 (S | E)
Hello!
At indique un endroit précis, to indique un déplacement.
See you!
Réponse: Aide récap/ texte de derma, postée le 07-12-2015 à 19:45:47 (S | E)
Bonjour, merci pour votre réponse. Les 3 autres sont donc justes ??
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